If my brother trying to kill himself last weekend was bad enough, turns out Im never speaking to my mum again. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing because she treats me like crap anyway. She practically ruined my childhood.... I just cant believe how she turned on me in order to make herself feel better.

Spoke to her last sunday, the day after it happened and she went off on one about how she is always blamed. How she was blamed for my other brother trying to kill himself, for me being very depressed and suicidal and now my younger brother too..... well if the shoe fits!

Not that I said that to her, all I said is that I dont care about any of that I only care about my brother getting the help he needs because I dont want to lose him. She then went off in another rant of how she doesnt understand it because she gives him everything..... yeah but then make him feel guilty for everything you have given him. Its why I never except her help, though it hasnt been offered often anyway.

Again I didnt actually say that to her, I just said that she doesnt have to understand how he feels, we just need to support him and let him know we are there for him. I also mentioned that I can relate to feeling worthless because I felt that way too growing up.

Thats when she really went for it, told me I had no say because I was not there when it happened. Told me she wouldnt call me or my dad if it happened again- she will just call us if he succeeds. Granted at this point I got mad and started shouting too, told her that was selfish and my brother is more important than any of this. She told me I have no life and that I would end up alone and miserable.

Well it ended with her saying if she is that bad a mother we should all stay away from her. Thats what Im doing, I told her she is that bad and I never want to speak to her again. She clearly thought I wasnt serious though because she tried texting me today as if nothing had happened. Of course I ignored it.

She then got my brother to call me and now me and him have argued other this. He said she is taking it out on him and I hate that. I dont know what I should do. Im sick of her making me feel like crap, like Im not capable of anything and wont amount to anything. On the other hand though I dont want her making things worse for my brother. Not when he is in such a bad way at the moment.

Why is she like this? Worst of all can she really not see her part in all of this? Does she really not see what she is doing to us? I hate her so much at the moment and thats not good either. I dont believe in hating someone because it only hurts you, not them. It just eats away at you, but right now I cant shake it.

Not sure how much of life I can take.

Thanks for listening Xx