| View Blog
|
|
| Why didn't you do better?
|
|
|
|
There comes a time when you absolutely know it is over and nothing can save you but a miracle even when you don't believe in those anymore anyway. I sit here knowing this, calm at this hour of night and yet standing on the edge of anything resembling sanity as I've learned it. Broke, busted, getting old and all out of ideas of how to change anything, I am. It's hot here in Texas in June and even hotter upstairs in the one room I share with my 3 children. Emily will be cool tonight at a friends sleepover and there will be a little extra room in our queen sized bed. Half of the week I just sleep on the floor on a couple of thick blankets but it's even hotter down there than on the bed when the air conditioner is set to 82 and gets turned off sometime during the night by my mother. Her room is cool and that is all that matters to her. "Ungrateful" is the word and the feeling of guilt that slithers through me from head to toe when I think of my parents that house me and my children. "How dare you?", are just more words but the truth is they never loved me and they certainly don't love me now. Apparently, I just never made the grade and it's too late to graduate now. To many years have passed. It doesn't even make me sad anymore. I don't feel anything. No one ever loved them either not even each other, not then and not now, those days never came. So what now, what now? I try to think of a plan, a way out but nothing comes. I have to save my children is the only thing that keeps me truly trying at all. I want better for them and I'm scared that later on they will look back at me with anger too and ask, "Why didn't you do better?"
|
|
Posted by onelostsong on 2008-06-08 01:43:08 | Rating: | Views: 47
|
|
| |
|
|
| Blog Comments
|
|
|
|
|
aww honey you will do better. You have alot to make up for. Just work hard and get out of that house. Praying for you and the kids....
|
|
Posted by Hollis
on 2008-06-14 22:36:29
|
|
|
|
|
|
Email This to a Friend 
