Wow, something is working. Yesterday turned out to be quite the day. I went jogging and it was hard but I was able to complete my usual two mile path that leaves me at my children's school. Not so funny at the time as I came to the front of the school I was breathing so hard (with my mouth wide open) that a little green bug flew right into my mouth and caught in my throat. I must have looked the sight as I gagged and spit and coughed trying to get it out. I got it out that's how I know it was green. It tasted awful and I just kept coughing and spitting. I don't know what people were thinking of me but two of my friends laughed when I told them about it and I'm able to laugh too when I think about it. My children played at the park with their friends and everyone was so happy. Two little friends that we knew from last year showed up to visit with us as well and lucky for me I had just enough snacks and drinks for everyone. My friends all call me the "snack queen" and I suppose it's true, even if we don't know you, your chances of getting a cookie and a drink out of me are pretty good. Anyway, all last night I prayed. I prayed mostly for God to stop my constant thoughts of what has been, what could have been, and what might be. Everytime I noticed I was going off in the wrong direction I prayed for God to be with me. Amazingly, it was working. I would stop thinking about the past and future and I was just there admiring how beautiful my children were. I kept thinking only something really amazing could create anything as perfect as my children. Often, for as long as I can remember and it happened last night, one or two or all of my children will just wake up for a split second and say, "Mommy I love you." Of course, they know I love them and I always say, "Oh darling (or angel) I love you too baby." But last night I was even more touched than ever and I started thinking, "Am I not the luckiest person in the world?" Of course, that then lead me to think, "What the hell have I been thinking?" That is just it though, I am what I think I am and whatever I believe in is what I will see. It's not that easy though because if I had full control of my thoughts, why would I pick bad ones? But maybe, just maybe, there is a God who does have full control over what I think. Only the catch is I have to let him have the control and that is the hard part. I'm not sure why it's hard except that maybe I just get all caught up in all the earthly bound problems like money and don't I wish I had more and that my microwave is dirty. (not anymore, I finally cleaned it today so that's off my back) I want perfection in myself more than anything and when I don't get it I'm devastated but that's another subject. For now I am going to keep praying like there is a tomorrow and a God. I so want to believe in God. If there is a God and I think there just might be, then my chances for more happy days might be better than I think. "Better than I think", you see I still have my doubts but I'm working on that. I have more hope today than I had yesterday.
Posted by onelostsong on 2008-03-13 14:51:08 | Rating: | Views: 88
I find you very interesting. I too am finding my walk with God. It's hard, I stumble a lot, more than I'd like to admit honestly.
I want you to know that if you need someone to talk to who is finding themselves also - I'm here.
I enjoyed reading your blog and your honesty. There is a God and He's with you. He's not waiting for us to be perfect before coming to Him, he loves us as we are. He won't control your thoughts, but He can enrich your life when you let Him take the steering wheel and trust in Him. I'm glad you're still praying and searching, I am, too.
Within yourself you have discovered the truth that you are seeking. Last night when you looked into the eyes of your beautiful children, you discovered that it could only be God who have blessed you with those three prescious angels.
God is alive, and He lives in our souls. He is always there waiting on us to discover him. He is an on time God, and He will never leave you are forsake you. We leave Him, but He never leaves us. I am a true testimony to that fact. You see I had been in the church every since I was a baby. I never knew nothing else but God and my church. When I gradulated from High School at the age of 17, I left home, I left my Church and I left God. I needed to be in the world or so I thought. God never left me, He protected me and kept me from danger and destruction.
After about five years I had an experience similar to yours, I looked into the eyes of my baby girl and God spoke to me and called me to come back to Him where I belong.
Please know that there is a God and he is listen to your prayers. He never fails to answer your prayers. Listen for His voice and be ready to receive your blessing when He sends them to you.
Remember this, when you pray ask God for what you want. Ask in faith, believing that what you have asked for He has already provided it to you. Have no doubt that it is there, you must be able to open your eyes and look past the trees, see the forest as it is given by God and you will receive what you have asked for.
Finally, here is a scriptue to keep in mind. It is from (Jeremiah 33:3). "Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know."
Please stop by my place for a visit, go the the navigation bar and click on some of my topics, I am certain you will find something there that just might help you understand in a better way. If not please feel free to contact me if I can provide any additional help or support.
I have been asking God to reveal Himself to you in a way you could understand. I see that He has answered my prayer by showing Himself to you through your children. Keep praying and know that others are praying for you as well. Peace.
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -- Jeremiah 29:11
I too have been praying for you to see the light of God in your life. He is always there for you, you must look for him. He will help you and guide you through your darkest hours, and be there to celebrate your brightest days. Trust in him. None of us would be here if it weren't for our Lord. He is our Savior. God Bless, and I am thrilled you are seeing signs of him in your life. It will only get better.
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