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| The Day the Sun Came Out...continued
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It's so quiet here. My littlest boy is asleep on the couch and Peter is watching a movie. It's time for me to stop thinking so much. Nothing really matters anymore. It just is what it is. It is time for me to just stop, stop complaining, stop worrying, stop needing to be right, stop wanting to be somewhere I'm not doing something other than this. I just need to let things be. I look inside and try to find what I'm searching for. Only when I can be the one who sees me searching, am I really myself. Then I can just let it all go. I can let everyone be whatever it is they think they are without actually believing that is who they are. Then I feel okay. I stop hating my life and I stop fearing this world and my place in it. The place where I would put myself is gone. The past hurts and memories just fade into the nothing that they came from. It's only as easy as I think it is when I can stop and see the thinking for what it is, an absolutely meaningless nothing. Then I can feel some peace. The house is just a house, messy or not. I can look at my child and see a beauty and an energy field surrounding him as he plays his gameboy. All of sudden he exclaims that his pokemon just evolved and I have to yes when he asks me if I want to see it. This is a new game for him and I can feel how pleased he is that he finally figured some of it out. It's nothing to do with the game for me but his smile and his face and his eyes are so radiant. He is life and I've become aware enough for just this moment to feel the full force of his being. What joy! What genious! So that's what we are made of. A light has gone on in my being! Silent peace and joy, right here, right now. This is the journey, the gift of life and I am a part of it.
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Posted by onelostsong on 2008-07-04 23:47:19 | Rating: | Views: 40
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