How do I know if it's real?  This is what I was wondering yesterday and it left me feeling lost again.  Maybe I am just imagining all this God stuff, trying to convince myself that things really just aren't the way they actually are.  It's a nice thought to think that I am not alone and that there is divine help and comfort all around me but am I going to be let down again because it is all just a dream I made up to make myself feel better.  I wish God would just come right down to me and show me that he is real.  Why if I am so sincere in talking to him would he make it so hard for me to see him?  Why not just come on down from heaven and let me know once and for all that he is here with me and because of that there is nothing more to worry about?  I didn't even have a bad day or anything, just the usual.  I spent the morning cleaning then took the children plus one friend to the park.  So what's my problem?  Why do I always want more than what I have and even more than that is the question of why don't I have more than what I have?  Is it because I haven't prayed hard enough?  "Everything is my own damn fault", is the thought that comes to mind.  I've been stuck in this tunnel of self-pity and fear for years now so what do I expect?  Do I expect that my life will look completely different just because I have been praying for less than one whole week?  It's lunacy I know and if I really stop to look, my life does look a lot different than it did 6 days ago.  For one I can't remember when the last time was that I went to the park with my children more than one time in a week and this week I went 4 times.  Okay then I think I will stop this line of thinking and keep on track.  There is a God and he is with me now that I've decided to be with him.  Everything is okay and I am blessed.  How could I forget so soon about the fear that was strangling my heart just a week ago?  I should be down on my knees gratefully praying.  The fear is gone.  Don't I remember that's what I prayed for?  He did answer my prayer.  What more evidence than that do I need?  Okay, I'm starting to see again.  I just wish it wasn't so hard to keep my eyes open but then maybe that should be my prayer for today?  God help me to keep believing in you.