when things get bad,
really bad,
you always expect the worst,
you expect the next day
to be the same as today,
and if not the same... harder

but expectation is just a feeling,
it isn't total certainty,
and when the worst comes,
you realise you didnt expect anything at all.


mum attempted suicide,
5 times now,
i've known for ages that she was unstable,
i always knew it wasn't beyond her,
but when she did it...
each and everytime,....
she was rushed away to hospital,
told me she didn't want to see me,
and to leave her alone,

nothing could have prepared us..
nothing could have assured us,
that this wasn't going to be the last time we saw her
and now i know...

that nothing ever will