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| Lying in the bed you make...
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A great friend of mine always says that life boils down to one thing: choices. She drills it into her five year old's head and frankly, it gets a little old. But she's got a really good point. Think about it. Whether we are conscious of it or not, we're constantly making choices that affect us in some way or another. Not all of those choices are life changing and some are so inconsequential that we forgot we made them. But, so many of the choices people make change their lives in such dramatic, often dreadful, ways that I feel compelled to smack them on the head for not thinking about them a little more (I don't of course--not really looking for an assault charge).
Let me give you an example. My mother decided, after a life changing event, that she wanted to move. She bought a home that needed massive reconstruction and redecoration for it to be habitable. She knew it would take many, many months (we're going on 11 right now, God help us all) for the work to be completed and it would mean she'd be is a transtional state during that time. Read: sleeping on a sofa. She also knew that said reconstration would be expensive. I have yet to meet anyone who's done a remodel job that's been underbudget or under schedule. Not saying it doesn't happen, but I think we can all agree it's rare. Even when these points were presented to her she could not be dissuaded. By golly she's waited her whole life for this and it's now or never.
So you can imagine my frustration when I get daily reports, no, complaints, about how difficult the process is. Oh it's taking so long. Oh, I'm so tired of the sofa. Oh, it's costing me way more than I expected. On and on and on and on. And on and on and on. (Insert head smacking urge here). Being that she's my mother you'd think I'd be comfortable telling her to get over herself but ours is not a relationship where such comments are appreciated. But so much of me wants to say to her--get over it! You CHOSE this situation. You had a perfectly good house in a place with perfectly good friends and you decided that you wanted to completely uproot yourself to start over. You made your bed now lie in it for crying out loud! Instead I have to listen patiently as she reports about how exhausting it is to pick out new faucets (gag). I'm not saying I don' t empathize with my mother's frustration. I do. Sleeping on a sofa for a year will make anyone grumpy and the constant reports make me feel like I'm remodeling a house sometimes. She's clearly frustrated and I'm glad I can lend an ear. But a girl can only take so much.
I guess my point is this: If you actively make a choice to change your life or make a choice that changes your life, shouldn't you actively deal with the consequences, good or bad, that follow without dragging down everyone around you? I get so tired of people feeling sorry for themselves. So tired of the woe is me victimization mode that people so lazily adopt when things are difficult. If your life is hard because of things you could have done differently or choices you made that led you to this place, why not stand up and take ownership for them? Is it really that hard to stop wallowing and have the self respect to say, "Maybe that wasn't my best choice. But it's done and I've got to deal with it"? Or better yet, why not start thinking about choices you can make to IMPROVE the situation. I'm just wondering. 'Cause there seem to be a lot of pity parties being thrown these days and frankly, I want to be taken off the invite list.
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Posted by ohigetit on 2008-01-16 23:17:30 | Rating: | Views: 80
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Excellent! A concept I believe in from the heart. I drill it into my 2 teenagers head. Nothing spectacular about life...IT'S A SERIES OF CHOICES. My son already started heading down the wrong road. I just remind him...the price for your actions is around the corner. And your mother won't be able to help you.
I was in some bad situations, but I made up my mind to get out and made choices to MATCH MY DECISION.
This was a blessing to me. Hope you read my page. I talk about this stuff all the time at my workshops.
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Posted by ptopsdyahoocom
on 2008-01-17 12:28:54
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