Hi John,

What touching words. I cannot believe that you are not extremelly worried, if the roles were reversed I would be horribly panicked. To think that these things can happen, and then know there are people out there who know less than you and better yet, people out there who only think of you as a number. Its stomach rentching!

Your second life seems to be approaching you quickly, I say your second life because there is always something that will affect us all later down the line, and well this one for you is your vision. You have lived a life in a world of sight and now you are walking towards the door leading to your second life, a life lived in the dark. The important thing is to stay positive and to know that you are never truely alone, there will always be someone there whom can help you. Stay sane to your mind and all will be just fine. Let your imagination run wild!

I am only black and white, computer ink and paper, but I am here. I am someone and I am waiting to hear from you again.

Jade

Very touching, Jade. Oh, and let me say thanks for commenting my blog; I've seen ya out here b'fore and like your style. Thank you; I wanna be here awhile longer too...

My blind life will most likely be short - that's both good, in a way, and bad. Blindness is a sign of the end drawing near with diabetes. I can accept this, and have anticipated it since childhood. You see me, in whatever form here, in my last days. Maybe a few months, maybe a few years left. Maybe science will catch up with me and I'm on my way to one hundred, but probably not. But I do not fear the end, so staring at my own mortality is relatively easy for me. But at some point, my biology will be controlled by others, with virtually NO input from me - THAT I fear.

John

I cannot believe, in this day and age and with a condition as widespread as diabetes, that there is no help for you! This upsets me greatly! I've seen my share of medical chuckleheads in smaller urban areas and I've washed my hands of them. I live in a small town, but my doctor is in the city. I trust HIM. He has to be more knowledgeable because the competition is greater.

Just thinkin' out loud here, and being angry on your behalf...

John, My mother went through these vision problems and they were traced to poor kidney function. Her blood was not regenerating and the platelets were not sticky, so she bled into her eyes. Once she started dialysis, her eyes cleared up as the toxins left her body and her bone marrow got the signal to make new blood. This was such a depressing event for her, losing her vision. She was an avid reader and vision loss took her independence. I am impressed with your grace during this trial. Don't stop fighting till you get what you need from the doctors. I will say a prayer for your vision to be restored, if only partly.

peace :) shemelts

Oh John...you amaze me with your ability to trudge through whatever crap life throws at you. You are truly an inspiration, and I love that about you. Not only that but your words are always so heartfelt and so damn true, it's hard not to love you. Back to the topic at hand, who to trust? I suppose in a situation as shitty as this one, yourself is all there is TO trust. If your vision goes, can a roommate read to you perhaps? I just don't understand how there is no one who can help you there, that is asinine and, like BootLady, that pisses me off.

Take care of yourself, although I know I don't have to say that to you, as you always will. You're an incredibly strong person, John, such a fighter! I can't tell you enough how inspirational you are, really, I can't.

I am not sure who I would trust if I were in your shoes. When you cannot even trust medical professionals to be competent with their own, very common, subject matter, where can you go? Who can fight on your behalf when everywhere you turn is someone else shrugging their shoulders and throwing up their hands? It is nothing short of a miracle that you continue to look for new ways to keep your life from slipping into their cracks.

I have been dealt some pretty ugly cards in life, and gotten through a great deal of suffering on my own. I have never had to deal with my mortality, nor the quality of my life constantly deteriorating. You are strength beyond words. Dealing with this alone, despite having reached out to those who should have answers- how frustrating. I pray that God will send an angel working in the medical field who will LISTEN to you (and the many others who deal with this) and help you.

As always, I wish you the best!

I'm overwhelmed! So many people caring for me; so many coming to my defense. Wow! I really meant to invoke people to talk about that person whom they have all of their faith in - maybe even their life. Instead, my efamily came out in my defense and behalf! You guys are the best, you really are.

I hope that in whatever time I still have, that I can give each of you some of this 'strength' that you see in me. I am a real believer in the human animal and the human soul, and really see most limits in life as being self-imposed. I challenge anything and everything, to test and confirm solidity. I have no children; my best hope to carry on my legacy is to impact my closest friends - that's you. Maybe before all is done, I'll unknowingly reveal some observation I've gathered in my life that can continue to benefit one (or many, or all) of you; thus I continue in this vicarious manner. If my life makes any one of you feel a little more sure of your own abilities, I've done well indeed.

John

John- I Know there's help in Seatle- and I GOTTA believe there's some way around the transportation problem- Someone has to be going to the big city you can catch a ride with- I wish to God I was 300 miles closer- I hope you find A way- I need to see those wise, gentle posts- you have meant so much to me..

You are a true inspiration to many and to me. You have much grace and courage, John. I've already read your latest and heard the good news :) I am thrilled for you and pray for continued good health. Hugs.