i'm really bad at beginings, i've got this "CHANGE" phobia that i never out grew. i don't really know where i got it specifically, i guess you can trace that from my being pessimistic. i'm not comfortable making decisions for other people because i'm scared of being blamed or endangering something, much more someone or a life of another individual. it isn't really different in my case 'cause i end up depending on my parents to make decisions for me with the same reason, because i'm scared of blaming my self. i guess i just find comfort and ease in keeping myself innocent -- in knowing that i am not the one at fault.

so why am i saying this. well my last blog turned out "untouched". what do i mean by untouched?? well i seldom update it plus i got bored with it. i'm not sure about this new one though. i'm not sure if i can be able to blog usually but i'd want to start keeping it dated.

what i'm doing right now is supposed to overcome my "CHANGE" phobia, i guess this is the start of a new me. a new me not just in the sense of blogging but also in believing and accepting change. i'm about to graduate high school and i guess it's about time i let my instincts guide me and it's about time to lose my fear of making mistakes.

so i'm laying down all my aces and i'm just going to deal with what life offers.

as the saying goes "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade!" if my choices and decisions turn out the way i fear, then i guess i'll have to look back, see where i made a mistake, and deal with the problem. whatever the future holds, i'm confident God won't give me anything i can't handle.