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| Well then...let me explain
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A private comment was made about my entry "The Conversation that led to sex". I'm making a little less private now. So, I can let you know why I'm explaining this.
The comment:
Maybe I'm just hard to please or have higher standards or something, but if I had moved on to be with someone else and you gave me that list, I would have been pissed. You obviously weren't respecting her current relationship and you guys didn't discuss all the reasons why the marriage didn't work in the first place.
To me, a list that takes 4 years to create just ...I don't know. It wouldn't mean much to me. Now, if it took you 4 minutes, at least then I'd know that you truly and genuinely felt these things and didn't have to take years to figure out my good points.
Anyway, it seems like she liked it - and that's what matters.
I hope you two were careful...if you know what I mean. The last thing either of you need right now is another child or anymore complications in this situation.
I feel I now need to explain this list.
A couple of months before Mandy and I decided to get divorced, she had asked me to make her a list telling her why I loved her. At that time in my life, I couldn't do it. Because at that time, I didn't feel like I was in love with her. Honestly, we got married because she'd just given birth to my son and we wanted to do right by him. I felt trapped. But she was my best friend, she's always been my best friend, and has continued to be my best friend since then.
After we got divorced, we both kind of moved on very quickly. I guess because we were young. But I thought about her all the time.I spent time with her all the time. In fact, the time I spent with her made it impossible for me to have any real relationship with any other girl. We'd hook up occassionally too. But it always got me thinking about that stupid list. So, when I'd recognize something I love about her. I would write it down. When I gave her that list yesterday, there were over 300 reasons on there.
I realize that Mandy is in a relationship with Brad and it was probably wrong of me to give her the list. But I had talked to a friend about it. I told them that I've finally realized that I am completely in love with Mandy. That's something I didn't realize before. Or maybe it's something I wouldn't let myself realize before. They told me I should tell her how I feel, just so she knows.
I really had no intentions of giving her that list. But when she asked me what was wrong, I couldn't find the words. And it was the list that was wrong. I've been cursing myself for a while now for not making that list when she asked me too. If I could go back in time, it'd be the one thing I would change. It's my one big regret in life. That stupid list. I REALLY, REALLY had no intentions of sleeping with her. In fact, she's the one with initiated it. She's the one who made the move and honestly my mind kept telling me to stop but I couldn't. I wanted to be with her, is that so wrong?
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Posted by noahseth on 2008-06-18 19:07:09 | Rating: | Views: 108
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let's be completely honest, because honesty is best. we'll make a list of wrong and right seeing as how lists are the main theme here...
wrong-Brian
right-Love, family, honesty, passion, reality, ect. ect. ect.
She needed to have that list, she asked for it and as a woman I would say even if it's too late for the both of you I would want the list either way. young love, a child and growing up together (from what I deduct) seems to have weighed heavy on you and her and sometimes outside forces drive true love apart. It is never good to stay together or be together for a child so maybe the seperation was a good thing. but, when it all boils down, the dust is settled if she is all you can think about, the only one you picture yourself with then HELL YEAH you tell her. Like I said in the previous comment she just needs time to see if you are to her what you have realized what she is to you and THAT IS NOT WRONG.
It's easy for us outsiders to make quick judgements and although I don't know who the private commenter is I hope that you don't get too down on yourself. It takes two to tango.
sorry for the long comment....good luck noah!
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Posted by Katydids_and_daisies
on 2008-06-18 21:23:33
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Hmmm Noah,
I still think you did the right thing. From reading you at the start,I got the feeling you and Mandie were way more than best friends - I think your timing was off, and you've grown a heap in the four years since.
I'm sure Mandie sees that.
And I don't think she'll resent you for the list.
If she did, she would not have initiated it. If her relationship with Brad was solid, she wouldn't have let it happen.
She was stone sober (I'm guessing) and It looks like (to an outsider) that maybe SHE hasn't moved on as the privateer may have suggested.
Good Luck...
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-06-19 00:51:40
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oops sorry I spelt Mandy wrong.
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-06-19 06:02:30
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I agree w/ E2S
You both felt forced to marry
Now you may choose to
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Posted by whiteknight
on 2008-06-19 07:24:36
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Here are my two cents. You did the right thing by giving her the list, I think it meant a lot for her to know.
With that said, why couldn't you love her when you were together? Why wait all this time? Did it take you a while to figure it out? Why now that she's with someone else?
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Posted by prelude2it
on 2008-06-19 16:07:49
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I absolutely think you did the right thing by giving her that last. You love her! You have a baby with her. She's not married to Brad - All's fair in love. I hope you get back with her. I think it's wonderful that she's always been your best friend, that you made it through a divorce and continued to be best friends and, on top of that, you have a physical connection. Best of luck to you.
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Posted by Meredith
on 2008-06-19 16:50:43
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I meant the "list" although I assume you figured that out....
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Posted by Meredith
on 2008-06-19 16:51:54
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