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| In search of help |
So I actually found thoughts.com by doing a google search for "suicide". I've suffered through major depressive episodes since i was 9 years old. I've been taking antidepressants regularly since I was 21 (so 8 years). My depressive episode typically appear during stressful times and right now i'm going through one of the most stressful times in my life with the job that I have.
I've guess in the last 8 years I've learned to separate my depression from my true self and been able to identify when I need help. Right now the problem is getting the help and finding people who care... I've been trying to get help since July and have been unsuccessful . My husband works for University of Chicago hospitals and I have what I was thought to be good insurance... I just have to see U of C doctors and its run like an HMO. The university is trying to brand itself as a specialty hospital and has a small primary care a psychiatric departments. I called to make an appointment with my primary care... the soonest appointment I could get was t 8 weeks out because appointments for referrals are not considered urgent . Went in but my primary care doctor was not comfortable with adjusting my medicine but wrote me a referral to the pshyciatric departments. It took a week for the referral to be processed and for me to get interviewed and schedule an appointment. Again, the soonest appointment I could make is 8 weeks out. Meanwhile I'm suffering on medication that is no longer working. I call my doctor, I call the number for my insurance, i call the phsyciatric department... the best they can tell me is you have to wait... if you think you are going to kill yourself then go to the emergency room but it better be the ER at University of Chicago. And then eventually they would transfer you to another hospital because they don;t have an impatient psych ward. So you mean if I'm ready to kill myslef i bettter be in the right state of mind where I can get myself to the southside?! I've never talked to more apathetic people on the phone and the scary thing is this is my life that is at stake. I didn't want to have to be checked into the physch ward... if only i could have seen a doctor 3.5 months ago when I tried seeking help it wouldn't have come to this. I have one more week till I can see a psych doctor to get my medication adjusted. What even more discouraging is this appointment is really only beginning. I have to suffer through trials of new medication or new does of medication...It will still likely be several weeks (at least) before I start to get better. Let's hope I can get help in time... because right now it is just me and only me fighting this.
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Posted by ninkasi on 2009-11-07 02:05:42 | Rating: | Views: 26
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