Thoughts.com Blogs - Moments of uncertainty...

Do we all have little moments of uncertainty in our relationships? Do we all at one point or another doubt what we thought was all we ever wanted? I don't know what to think of these questions. I don't know what the answers are. All I know is that without any doubt in my mind, without one glimmer of uncertainty, that I want Andy. Even right now when we are fighting and angry with each other. Even when we aren't so ok. I want him.

Tonight he gave me 2 questions...
1. What do you really think of me and what we are doing?
My answer...wow will this take a while. To start with, I think that he is the most important man in my life. He is the man I want to be with for the rest of my life, and he is literally, half of my heart. I think what we are doing is very hard, and possibly a lot harder than we thought, but I do still think it's worth it. I have wanted this man for almost 12 years. I have never been more proud of a man in my life, except for the daddy guy, but he's like number two seriously. I spent an amazing Thanksgiving with my family, and the whole time Andy was in southern California helping to feed the people there. He has worked his butt off to get here, and while he may think I don't see that, I do. He feels like everything he's doing isn't good enough for me. I understand what he is doing, and I get it, I just need him to not put me last on the list of people to chat with. I know he sees everything he is doing as putting me first, he's doing all of this so we can be together. I wish I had a way to truly express to him how much he really means to me and how grateful I am for all he's doing.

2. Do you want this, or is it all for nothing?
My answer, ofcourse I want this. I wouldn't be here right now crying my eyes out over him and this argument if I didn't want this. I wouldn't be fighting so hard if I didn't want this. I would simply turn my phone off and walk away. He is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE...it's not a game. I have given this man my heart, with full trust that he won't break it purposly. I want him to know everything there is to know about me...I want him to love everything there is about me. I want to hold him and love him, and give him everything he needs to make his life complete and whole. I want him to feel the love I have for him.

Now...this leads to what do I want?
I want more than anything to show him what's in my heart and soul here. I want to him to hold my heart and have my hopes and dreams in his hands. I want to know that he knows he is loved. But he dosen't. I don't think I am doing a very good job showing him how grateful for him I truly am. I don't think he really expected me to be this emotional.

I am sick, tired, drunk and crying...I think I need to be in bed.

Goodnight all....