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This is me

My problems
Well this is my first time doing this blogging thing. Hopefully it will help me. Ya know get my thoughts in writing. Here goes nothing!

I started this blog because I have issues. Well, you ask who doesn't have issues? Ha! I am open book. You can ask me anything. Lets rephrase that. I have a open mind. The problem is my heart is not open. Its shut to everyone. Bad thing? Yes? I beg to differ. I refuse to open it. Because...because I am afraid of rejection, fearful of being disgraced, fearful of embarrassment, fearful of getting hurt, and most of all afraid of being a disappointment. I don't want to care what others think. About what other say. But it matters. Everyone wants acceptance. Do they not?

I just want the acceptance from my parents. They say that no one can love you like your mom loves you. True. But they never said anything about accepting you. I could wear a halter top and a mini skirt. My mom might think that is a little sluttish and unacceptable, but she'll still love me...at least that is what I am told and I think. Sometimes I don't know what to think. If I remain quiet about what I feel, my mom will feel as if I don't want anything to do with her, but that is not the case. I don't want to make her feel bad. If I were to tell her everything, she might disown me . You never know. Maybe I am paranoid. No clue.

Posted by nicmccaskill on 2009-11-03 17:32:27 | Rating:

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Welcome to thoughts-its an awsome place to write about ur issues,fears ect.
Enjoy!

Posted by selfpreservation on 2009-11-03 17:36:37

Welcome! This is where to write it all.

I'm the Mom of a 39 year old and trust me, no matter what, Mom's still love and accept.

Posted by missingchristopher on 2009-11-03 17:38:23

Well, that is a relief. Now all I have to do is open up to her. I have the tendency not express myself to anyone. My mom is 51, and I am still in high school. I am at the stage where I want to make my own decision. I wanna be able to tell my parents something. They accept, and I am happy. I know that is unrealistic, but it doesn't stop me from wanting it. Ya know? My mom wants me to let her in; I don't know how. Not sure if I am ready.

Posted by nicmccaskill on 2009-11-03 17:45:44

You'd be surprised at how many people fear the same things you do. Life is far too short to not allow yourself to let people into your heart or get close to you. The only thing that truly matters in life is your connections with other people - its how you learn and grow.
I hope that you find the peace that you need to by writing here. I know i did when i first started blogging 4 years ago. It made me understand myself a whole load better, reduce my intensity and lighten up a little.
I used to carve myself with a compass when i was younger, just cos i could. I still have the 'tatoos' or the scars of the words i carved into my arm. every day when i look at them i'm reminded of how far i have come.
Good luck.

Posted by GraceUk on 2009-11-05 17:25:13