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Only half way

Ever feel like your living your life only half way. Like half of your body is on this earth and the other is searching for "higher ground". I have been feeling the pull on my heart for a while now.

Sometimes I feel like if I could just give everything up and do what I really want to do I would be truly happy. So, what would make me truly happy? A question I have always pondered but, I guess never really answered for practical reasons.

I would love to help people less fortunate than myself. To live overseas and let myself truly dive into spiritual love. To help people find and prepare food, to help find clean fresh water, to clothe and comfort all who need and lack those daily necessities.

So, what is holding me back? Many selfish reasons that all logically make sense but, not spiritual sense. I am scared of putting my full faith in Jesus, leaving my life as I know it behind. What would people think of me, maybe a radical?

Sometimes I long to be more like my husband. I know he could leave our life behind and fully trust in all God's offerings. He's faith is so strong and mines so weak. I feel like most times I hold my husband back on his spiritual walk.

In the back of my mind I fear I will disappoint my God. That at the end of this life, this race; I didn't give my all and didn't run just for him. I want to make him proud and shine for him and have others see and feel my love for my creator.

My only solution is to pray and hope for the best. To love each day and all it's blessing and to hope that my prayers will be answered. Save me lord I am lost, show me what I am looking for!!

Posted by newthinker on 2009-07-03 20:34:27 | Rating:

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Wow. I hear and resonate with everything you've written. I know there's more too. It's hard to get your fingers around it sometimes, when it seems so easy. Like it's right there.

Posted by dcarriza on 2009-07-03 21:15:44

Newthink Are you Kiddin Me ?!!

The Father is IN DEEP LOVE WITH YOU !! You CANT DISSAPOINT HIM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From here on out it is all down hill. Once you confess Jesus Christ as the savior your salvation is set.

After this its about rewards NOT SALVATION.. The bible scriptures state that every good deed done by a Christian (not unbelievers as they have not yet received the redemption) is an added reward and jewel to that place that is now being constructed for YOU..! Yes he is preparing for the Return with HIS Kingdom.

So Why Pray then? Because now you gain strength and Knowledge that goes beyond human understanding.. When Moses spent time with GOD and did it so close he glowed so bright (for over a month) the people asked him to cover his head.

This is a lesson to us now. The more time you spend in prayer and reading scripture the more strength, Grace, and Knowledge you gain and therefore the brighter your Light. Just by that will more people feel so warm in your presence as the fruits of the spirit will flow from you...

Jesus will introduce so many Angels to you without you even knowing (now) just to guide your everystep. You dont even have to think about it. Just be with him, Love the Lord like you would a very close friend or father, and have a meaningful relatioship with him.. I PROMISE you will find SO MANY fruits... And your Prayers will become Powerful in time....

With Love
Your Christian Knight of Peace

Posted by CKP09 on 2009-07-03 22:11:49