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You know I don’t know why we fall for the person we can’t have. Unfettered feelings of unworthiness. If he doesn’t like me, he won’t hurt me. A relationship that isn’t going to happen is going to end… We can always dream, can’t we?
Dreams. You never remember them fully when you wake up. You might remember the highlights. Tell your friends they were present. But you never remember the details. How you went from your car to shooting some guy in the middle of the frozen foods section. The same thing with crushes. You don’t know how you went from thinking someone is cute to being completely obsessed with them.
What is weird is that I know how I went from thinking he was cute to being completely obsessed with him. I can remember everything. Our conversations. Our run-ins. Our rides together. I remember how I got from the beginning phase to where I am now… nowhere.
I opened up too much. Guys don’t want to know what is in your head. Quite frankly, most of them do not care what’s up there. They care what’s down there. That seems like such a juvenile thing to say. And I know this one experience gives me no sort of expertise on relationships or on guys. I do, however, know that I do know a lot about the dynamics of relationships. Guys, they are just like women, all different types. But relationships, while they are varied, some of them work and some of them don’t. It isn’t that hard to pin down which ones do work and which ones don’t.
Sexual attraction to someone has nothing to do with a relationship. People with the most sexual attraction towards each other could very well not work out as a couple. Being in a relationship purely consists of two people enjoying each other’s company and both of them having the drive to work on being around the other on a consistent basis.
The repetitive nature of relationships is the hardest part. Think about it…. A lot of people hate school. Why? One, you’re forced to go. Two, you do the same thing every day. Three, the same things are repetitive in nature. A lot of people hate their job. Same thing, same people, same tasks every day. As much as people say they like schedules, that doesn’t have to being boredom.
Seeing the same person every day might seem like an exciting or a very mundane thing. Exciting because you know you’ll get to see that person tomorrow. Security. Or mundane because the person you see today will be the exact same person you see tomorrow.
As a person, I wouldn’t mind seeing the same person in the morning. I want that security. I want to know that someone else can be secure with me.
BUT I CAN’T FIND THAT PERSON…..
Not that I haven’t looked. Not that I haven’t thought I have found that person. Not that I don’t believe he is sleeping in someone else’s bed right now.
What can I do to get over this? What will it take for me to say goodbye to what I thought (think) was (is) my first true love?
One more question… is ‘love’ love if it isn’t reciprocated?
It has to be… it just has to be.
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Posted by newplace on 2008-01-12 18:15:16 | Rating: | Views: 59
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I believe that love in its purest form is unconditional. That means no expectations. That does not mean that you allow yourself to be used by someone. I doubt, however, that you would feel much love for someone who likes to use others. But, hell, what do I know?
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Posted by HungryHeart
on 2008-01-13 01:04:08
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I would love to say I could help you but I'm dealing with pretty much the same thing in my own life. I thought he'd forget about me but now he wants to be friends again and we should meet up next week. He's already ignored me for 10 or so days but I asked him to give me a month and get back to me. What do you think?
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Posted by PrincessWarriorSLW
on 2008-01-13 02:50:21
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Love is a sacred word. Life is repetition: breathe in and out. It is all in cycles.
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Posted by Zombilis
on 2008-01-13 05:46:31
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