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I am learning new things about myself during this particular adventure. I keep hearing from friends and family back in Illinois that I am missed or that things aren't the same with out me there. I have found it interesting that I do not miss Illinois. I have had no homesickness at all. It has been months now since we made the move, and it has had little effect on me. I like having the distance between me and them. I like being away from all that. I am particularly enjoying the fact that no one there has the means to come and visit us. I will see them now on my own terms only. I talk to them only when I feel like talking to them. It has given me back a level of control over that part of my life that I have wanted for a long time.
I cannot contribute this feeling of freedom and release purely to the beautiful open country of Arizona. I could have found it, to a degree, in Illinois. The freedom I feel here is the freedom of no longer having to constantly adjust to and defend myself from my family. I can live my life and share with them only what I wish for them to know. I only speak to them about the things I want to, and I only listen to them as far as I want to.
I am thoroughly glad that we made this move, dispite the difficulties we have faced in the mean time. It has not been an easy road, and it has particularly difficult financially, but we are here, and I am free from the steady influences of discontented bloodlines. It is blissfull to finely live my life as I see fit, and without the looks and comments of that world baring down on me.
I am happy here. I am looking forward to every day. It's new to me, and I am reveling in it.
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Posted by nashea on 2008-03-24 16:44:39 | Rating: | Views: 64
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