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| making it in Robert Clark Young's class
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Okay, so its amazing how easy it can be to take a class on a subject that I have devoted the last six years of my life to but anything else makes me feel a bit less-than. My evidence class is a piece of cake for me because for the last six years of my life I have made a point to know the in's and out's of criminal law in desperate attempts to continue doing what I was doing and stay out of jail (unsucessfully I might add) but when it comes to English 1A I have to admit I find myself wondering how the hell I scored so high on the assessments. I mean, I dropped out of high school in the 11th grade so I could become a professional junkie and criminal. I got busted a year ago and was put in this program in which I wore a very stylish black plastic ankle bracelett and got to take my G.E.D. Amazingly I passed that and while I was in this program (called the D.R.C.) I meet this amazing woman named Vicky who became my probation officer for three months and I decided I wanted to be just like her and use my past to try to help people who are headed down the road I was on. So I enrolled in college, something I never thought I would do, and am currently taking this English class with this great proffessor named Robert Clark and being the all-or-nothing kind of addict I am, I feel I need to get an A. The problem is, I don't think I have what it takes to be a good writer (another reason why I was told by my N.A. sponsor that I should start a blog for practice). I mean when I was all spun out at three thirty in the morning I could sit down and write some pretty deep (and twisted) poetry but when it comes to structured essays and following grammatical concepts I find myself completely lost. I have this research paper to do that is freaking me out because I have no freaking idea how the hell to begin. Once I get started and get a rythm for it, the reast will undoubtedly be easier but I've been stressing out about this paper for two months now and I'm taking it out on those around me. I demand complete silence in a house with four other addicts (impossible) so I can sit and think and then have to deal with the consequences of my attitudes after I come out of my room no closer to starting the essay than I was when I went in. I want so bad to write this outstanding paper that my professor will look at and think "wow . . . she's a good writer." But I can't shake this feeling that I will never be able to achieve that and that pisses me off because everyone who knows me knows that whenever I want something I put my whole heart into it and I have never failed yet. . . but there is that infamous "yet" that the program warns us about.
Anyway, I hope this whole blog thing helps me out.
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Posted by narcanonymous on 2008-04-09 20:25:51 | Rating: | Views: 274
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