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| THE OC (by N. Alexnder Price) |
Visual Confirmation (VC) of someone ‘moving on’ – when you’re in a fresh heartbreak/break up – can do a lot to shove a reality check down the throat of someone finding themselves in a state of ‘missing you’ limbo. VC gives you the necessary kick in the teeth that’s needed to make you realize that “Hey, they’re probably not coming back to you (depending on the length of time they’ve been gone) so yeah, get over it!”
But what about Oral Confirmation (OC)?
Which is worse, SEEING your special person with someone (whether they’re actually WITH them or not) or HEARING that they’re with someone (whether they’re actually WITH them or not).
So the debate is: If VC and OC had an all out, knuckle-down, street brawl, who would win the prize for giving you the ‘Most Effective Mind-Fuck After a Breakup’. Tell me what you think! In my opinion it’s a hard choice to decide the victor, but I’m giving OC the win. Here’s my score card.
• Anything short of actually SEEING them fuck or playing tonsil-hockey, is still up in the air because it could be just a friend or a ‘fuck to feel / forget / to fuck' kind of situation (see the FUCK TO blog...you'll get it).
Face it, as guys (especially) anything short of her saying “Fuck you, you’ll never see me naked again!” – we still think there’s a chance (and even then, that still wouldn’t stop us from at least trying. POINT OC & VC
• You see them with the new person and they’re NOT better-looking (in your opinion) than you are, and you go into an immediate tailspin (insert Tequila shots here) to numb the pain or convince yourself that “Hey, I’m cuter than they are right...right?” POINT OC
• You see them with the new person and they ARE better-looking than you are, and you go into an immediate tailspin (Insert MULTIPLE Tequila shots here) because now you’re thinking one of many things:
o He must be fuckin’ the shit outta her because he looks like he was cut out of a slab of concrete (you’re now rummaging through the telephone directory for the gym closest to your workplace)
o He’s got enough money to buy money, and you have to look under your car seat to find enough gas money to get home.
o They person looks so good that you’d do them. POINT VC
• Someone (whether intentionally or otherwise) tells you that they saw them with someone. The informant is very vague with the details, and anyone who knows the power of suggestion knows that vague is a bitch. Now your mind has hit the nitrous oxide button and you’re racing at 320 mph towards ASSUMPTION. You get visuals of all sorts of madness.
• Sexual positions – “Hey they never did that when we were together!
• Dinners with them and your special person’s family – They’re sitting in the chair you were told was off limits
• Driving down the road on the perfect afternoon, in their perfect car, smiling at each other like a perfect couple; and you're the bum on the side of the road holding a sign that says ‘Will Work Harder For Love’ while they drive past you and the dust blows in your face. 2 POINTS OC
• You call them for whatever reason and the new person answers their phone (insert drinking binge - and if you hear your special person giggling in the background - other narcotics here). POINT OC
• Hungry after a hard day’s work you stop off for a bite to eat only to see them having a candlelight dinner and the words Happy Anniversary being exchanged between cute nose kisses – the only thing your mind hears is anniversary and you immediately break out the mental calculator to work back the time against the time of your split from them. POINT VC
• You walk in on a conversation about how happy or how good your fomer bspecial person looks these days, only to have the tone instantly drop and everyone’s body language goes immediately rigid. Then, in a failed attempt to make you feel better, someone (usually with the IQ of dirt and the social tact of a hermit crab) says, “If it’s any consolation her outfit wasn’t all that great!” and now the visuals come flyin’. POINT OC
TALLY - VC with 3 points and OC with 5 points.
The winner by decision – THE OC!
So, with a million possible scenarios, I still think that THE OC would most times emerge victorious. I therefore declare THE OC to be the winner of the ‘Most Effective Mind-Fuck After a Break-up’.
We now await the decision of the other judges...you.
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