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| Hurt's Oddly Flowing Tirade |
My logical, conscious mind is processing my pain in real time. Emotionally-volcanic activity rages in me with every passing thought and memory of her, and the new man in her life.
The constant replay of the sight of this new man and all the probable things happening between them - the things I used to enjoy- is fodder for my searing, burning heartache.
Hate and hurt boil within me and attach themselves to every thought in my head. "That used to be me" I keep saying to myself. "That used to be me."
Godammit...my heart is burning a hole through my chest. If I could, I'd reach in and tear the whole thing out...beating and all.
There's a constant scream waiting in my throat. It's curdling and wants desperately to escape. The tears on the brink of bursting through my eyes are acidic, and scorch my face because they're being pushed out of me by raw pain and rage.
Every memory of her churns the bitter hurt locked in the pit of my stomach. If I could rip out those memories with my bare hands I'd do it. I'd burn them if it meant I'd be free of thishaunting pain. I gave you most of me and you gave it back...damaged, re-packaged and returned to sender marked "UNWANTED".
Every time I think of you, or us, it simply eats away at me. Eats away at my sanity and my soul. You hurt me..so badly. I lay in bed most nights begging for sleep or unconsciousness just so that I won't think about you.
In the dead silence of night when my mind is weeping, I hatefully long for you. I begrudgingly long for the touch of your skin, the sight of your body...and it sickens me. I despise how much you still mean to me and how entrenched you are within my psyche.
To excise you from my heart, I'd have to rip the whole thing out, burn it and bury it. I have to admit, at time it sounds like a good idea. I hate the fact that you emotionally spat in my face, kicked my affection in the gut and went your merry way.
But what I hate the most is that a part of me would still give anything to be with you. Above most else, I hate you for that the most.
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