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| When life as you know it is over.....
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I did nothing productive this weekend. My laundry is piling up and my room is an absolute mess. Yet, I do nothing about it but bitch, because I chose to spend my time online rather than cleaning.
After this weekend, I am missing Jim more than ever. It's crazy how we will go all week not talking, so that by Thursday or Friday I feel as if I could care less if he talked to me or not. Then I realize the truth when he ends up calling or texting......that I am not ever going to get over him. It's weird that I can't picture my life with him and at the same time, I can't picture my life without him. I can't imagine myself with him, because that seems too good to be true. I can't picture my life without him, because I just can't imagine not ever talking to him again. It would feel too weird to have him out of my life forever. I would feel more comfortable with the idea of some of my closest friends being out of my life than picturing Jim not there. I don't know.....
Friday
I went out with Andy and a bunch of people for Bill's birthday. Andy's girlfriend wasn't there which I thought was weird. Anyhow, we all had a blast. In the beginning of the night I had to deal with Bill's old roommate from college hitting on me. It was funny, because as he was hitting on me, Jim had sent me a text asking if I was out boozin already. I ignored Bill's roommate and just responded to Jim. Bill's roommate then started asking questions about who I was texting, where he lives, why we are talking when he lives in another state, and if it was a long-term relationship. I had no idea what to tell this guy. All I said was that it was a very confusing situation and there are no committments, but I still don't consider myself available to other guys. Well, as the night wore on this guy's flirting became progressively worse. He was there every time I turned around and eventually his hand found its way to my thigh when he would sit next to me. I got fed up and went outside to call Jill, because I didn't want to say something to this guy that would just cause drama on Bill's birthday. He ended up leaving while I was on the phone with Jill....I was very pleased to say the least.
Andy and I were the last ones awake, as usual. I have mentioned Andy in previous blogs. He is a guy that I will always have some sort of little crush on, and I believe he feels the same way about me. We both will always like each other in that way, but it would never work out with us and we both know that. It is definitely weird. I mean, we get along great, always have a blast together, but I could never be in a serious relationship with him. The girl he is dating now is perfect for him, at least that's what I have been hearing. I asked him if he was going to marry her and he just gave me a funny look, and said, "Who knows." I told him that I keep hearing how that they are perfect for each other and he said, "Yeah, but just because 2 people are perfect for each other doesn't mean they will end up together.....anything can happen." I found that comment very sad, yet very true.
When we got back to Andy's place, he retired to his bed, and I to the couch. I was feeling very sad and lonely. I decided to text Jim, because I really wanted to talk to him. I said, "It's no fun without." He responded, "What? Explain" I told him that I wasn't going to explain because he already know exactly why and just wants to hear it again for an ego boost. He laughed and asked if I was at Dan's and I told him that I was in the city. He then called me and we talked for a few minutes when he decided to make a really bad joke......he said, "Let me call you back in 30 minutes." I said, "what?! 30 minutes....why?" He said, "I just took some ecstasy...I'll call you back." (I always have teased him about clubs and techno music....inside joke....and I guess that ecstasy comment was related to that....bad joke, like I said.) Anyway, I was furious, because I actually believed him. I sent him a text saying, "Don't bother calling back. Have fun with your club drugs." A minute later he called me back....I almost didn't answer because I was soo mad. I caved, answered, and said, "yeah??" He asked me if I really believed that he would do something like that. I told him, "Well, I don't know how bored you are out there." He just told me that it was a joke and I should know him better than that. I felt a little foolish, but told him that his joke sucked and he needed new material. He then proceeded to tease me for my spaz-out, and we were fine. He told me that he wanted me and Dan to get a going away thing together for his dad. I though no problem until he told me that he wanted it at his house so his dad can play pool on their table one last time. I told him that I will tell Dan about it, but I won't be going because it will be too depressing. Just thinking about setting foot in his house without him there makes me cry. I started crying on the phone talking to him about it. I tried to keep it secret, because I didn't want him to know I was crying....he probably knew though. He told me that he would be mad at me if I didn't go, because I learned how to play pool on that table and his dad loves me. When we hung up, I just stayed up and cried thinking about going into the frickin house we had our first and last kiss, and all these memories. I don't think I would be able to do it.
Saturday
I woke up to a text from Jim, 30 minutes after we hung up Friday night, asking if I was awake. I actually responded in my sleep.....it was quite funny, I said, "yeah, 401k." I think I was dreaming about work or something and typed that in my sleep. Andy's friend drove me home, I showered, and took a 3 hour nap.
I just ended up going out with Kimmy and Jason last night. We went to Kyle's house for a party. (I had a mini fling with Kyle 2 years ago.....we would just get drunk and make out....nothing else.) So, at this "party" I felt extremely old and out of place. There were so many young kids there (mostly 21, but a few underagers). One guy started giving me crap because I wouldn't take any shots of vodka. I told him, "Listen, buddy, I've had my days with vodka....I don't need to relive them." I hate vodka anyway.....it always made me throw up. I didn't even get drunk last night.....just wasn't in the mood. I wish I would have stayed in like I planned. I told Jim earlier in the night that I was going to stay in and he would be proud of me (he gave me crap the night before for always going out on the weekends). He texted me back saying, "yeah right." Butthead was right. I didn't respond, because I knew he would give me crap. He sent me another one later in the night asking if I stayed in, so I said, "I don't want to tell you." He asked if I was making out with anyone, and I told him, "No, I told you I can't do that."
On my way home, I sent him a text telling him that I wish I would have stayed in. By the time I got into bed, I got a text from him asking if I was up and that he needed a conversation. I called him and we ended up talking on the phone for over an hour. Then we texted for another hour after that. I was up til 7 am talking to him. We were just talking about work and things. I found out that he absolutely hates Kyle, because I told him who I was hanging out with. He went on about how much he can't stand Kyle, and he doesn't hate anyone. All I could do was laugh.....oh man, I don't think he would like to hear that Kyle and I used to make out all the time. I can understand why Jim hates Kyle though....Kyle is not a real good guy. He is a player, and I knew that when we had our little "fling", but I just thought it was fun to get drunk and make out with him as long as it never escalated....which it did not. Kyle was always really nice to me though. He treated me differently than other girls I have seen him with. I don't know, I think I saw a different side to him than most people see.
Anway, after that awkwardness passed, Jim and I started teasing each other. He told me that he can read me so well, and I said that it kinda freaks me out how well he reads me. I have never had anyone read me so well....it is scary, but exciting. I wish I could read him as well as he reads me. Oh, so when he was telling me about work, he was explaining how his boss is. He told me that she made him write down long-term and short-term goals. So, one of his long-term goals was get married, and she asked him to put a time frame on that. He told her that he can't, when he meets the right person he'll marry her, whenever that is. I don't know why, but that didn't sit right with me. It made me feel like he is searching, because he also brought up how it's hard to meet girls in California. I kept my cool, but it made me incredibly jealous. Obviously, he doesn't think I'm the right girl....he is just going to continue to talk to me until he finds "her". What else.....he told me that I was the last person he made out with, and didn't believe me when I told him he was too. He was right not to believe me, because I frickin allowed that stupid Ron guy to kiss me!!! So stupid. He also made a generalized comment about me moving out there. We were talking about how one of his friends might move out there too, so I said, "You are just getting everyone to move out there." He told me that he is working on it, and that anyone can move out there, "......you can move out here." I just laugh him off whenever he says stuff like that. He also joked that I should feel special, because me and one of his guy friends are the only 2 people he talks to from home now. It's kind of funny how he has only known me for less than a year, and we keep in contact more so than his other friends who have known him for years.
Then I asked him if his family is staying there permanently, and he told me that he didn't know....if anything, he would come back, but he would have to have a really good paying job etc... He is planning on coming to visit in September, and said he expects me to pick him up at places. Lovely, I'll be his taxi service for his short time here. Nah, I don't really care....I would honestly do anything for him.
I really hope that he comes to visit.....I keep imagining that first kiss we would have when/if I saw him again. It would definitely top all kisses.....I get short of breath just thinking about it. A quote from the movie, "PS I Love You" would explain that kiss perfectly, ".....when life as you know it is over." Haha...maybe I'm being a big sap, but that is exactly how I will feel if I ever get to kiss him again. He could ask me to move with him to California, and I would go against my parents, family, friends, and do it. My parents would probably disown me if I were to live with a guy before marriage, but for some reason I don't care right now. They would have to get over it.
I still can't believe I stayed up for 2 1/2 hours talking to him.....wait, I can believe it. I just can't believe that we can still do that when he is living a million miles away.
Well, I'm going to go pig out for the last time, because I'm going all out with working out from now on. Jim seems to think that I am looking amazing in a swim suit, because of my mile walk to and from work everyday. That deserves one big HA! So, I need to get on the ball here....
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Posted by nakedtruth on 2008-07-13 19:05:42 | Rating: | Views: 88
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The title of your blog scared the crap out of me! I was afraid you and Jim had a big fight or something. I am glad you were referring to the power of his kiss! So glad you had such a long telephone conversation - that's awesome!
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Posted by Meredith
on 2008-07-13 21:07:34
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haha...the title is a little misleading.
Oh...I just reread this post...terrible grammar and spelling errors!! Some of the sentences don't even make sense! I'm not going to fix it though...so, whoever reads this, forgive me and try to make sense out of it. ha
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Posted by nakedtruth
on 2008-07-14 03:06:49
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awww...you're so cute!!! The two of you are really amazing together! :D Reading your posts just makes me smile each time :)
Its amazing that you guys spoke for so long :) And I totally get the reply that you sent while you were asleep...I remember talking to my guy till 6 am once, and I'd actually kind of fallen asleep, and he asked me something and I said something totally wierd like "Who's that kid?" or something...haha..
thats how he knew i was asleep ;)
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Posted by angelwings
on 2008-07-14 05:03:12
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That's a GOOD sign dude!! yayyyy, you should come visit him. Maybe you'd end up loving it out here and moving! then we could be friends. ha ha :)
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Posted by TheAlreadyJaded
on 2008-07-14 12:57:29
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I would be bothered with the comment about meeting the right one too but he was probably not thinking about it the way that you are. Sounds like you have good chemistry with Jim.
Your title freaked me out too.
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Posted by prelude2it
on 2008-07-15 09:54:35
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when life as you know it is over....it makes everyone come over...its almost like red rover....
so Im so glad your life is not over, its only just begun
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Posted by roe
on 2008-07-16 02:42:01
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