I don’t know why this friends with benefits thing feels weird with Jim. I honestly don’t know how I feel about the situation. One minute I am ok with it, the next I’m not. It doesn’t help that he keeps breaking the rules. Here’s how the weekend went:
So, Friday night we all went over to Dan’s. I didn’t hear from Jim all day. I ended up sending him a text around midnight, because I had heard some good news about his dad. He seemed surprised I was concerned, which I don’t know why….I love his dad, he’s great. Anyway, he asked what I was up to, so I told him I was at Dan’s and he was welcome to stop by if he wanted. He told me that he was going somewhere else, and had to be up early. I went about my business. An hour went by when I got another text from him asking if we were still at Dan’s. I told him we were, and he said he was still deciding if he should come over….I told him to just shutup and come over. He stayed for about 2 hours (it was 4am when he left). As he was leaving he rubbed my head like I was his kid sister….it annoyed me. After he left I decided to check my phone, because I had a feeling he sent me a text….I was right….he told me to come over. I asked Dan what he thought about me going over there, and he told me that as long as I keep it purely sexual it’ll be fine. He also told me that if I go over there I can't get upset with Jim if he stops talking to me again afterwards. I told Dan that I was only going over there for one thing, and one thing only….to get laid. I got to Jim’s house, and I wanted to get down to business right away so there would be no chance of us talking; however, that didn’t work out. He told me we had to wait until his dad left for work. I was not happy, because that meant we were going to sit there and talk for awhile…..I don’t want to talk to him, because that invites other feelings for him to creep in again. I don’t really remember what we talked about, but I do remember one thing…..he told me he had missed me. I was so mad…that is breaking the rules! If we are only supposed to be having a sexual relationship, don’t bring that crap into it. Not only does it go against the definition of “fuck buddies”, but it also makes the entire situation harder for me. After he said he missed me, I told him to shutup and kissed him so he couldn’t respond. The sex was great as usual even though I didn’t get off (I was too drunk), but he obviously wasn’t too drunk, because he was able to. It was definitely loud, rough sex though. After we were done, we talked again for awhile. I couldn’t tell you what about, but I do remember that he told me once again that he has missed me. I just kissed him again to shut him up. I left after that, because it was 7am, and I had to be at work at 8am. I don’t know what happened, but on the way home I just broke down and cried. It could have been lack of sleep, or maybe I was still drunk, but I was really, really mad that he told me he missed me. I should have just told him, “hey, let’s keep it professional here.”
When I got to work, Jim sent me a text asking how it was going. We ended up talking pretty much the entire day. After work, instead of sleeping I decided to do some shopping, when Jason called me and told me to meet up with him and some guy he goes to school with up at the bar. I ended up going there, and started drinking with them. Jim sent me a text while I was there asking what I was up to that night. I told him I wasn’t sure yet and that I was out with Jason and his friend from school. I never got a response back, which I found very amusing, because I knew that he was thinking the guy from Jason’s school was the same guy Jason has been trying to set me up with. I ended up taking it easy that night; just hung out with Jason, Kimmy, and Tom. Jason and Kimmy ended up fighting once again, so Tom and I went to the bar for awhile. I actually went home for the first Saturday in probably 2 months haha. I didn’t even call or text Jim….wasn’t in the mood.
Sunday:
I slept until around 4pm. I actually got some things done though…..I even worked out (been slacking in that category). Around 10, I just got out of the shower and saw I had a missed call from Jim. I called him back, but he didn’t answer. Half hour later I got a text from him telling me that he was going through my town, and wanted to come pick me up so we could have sex in his truck. I was kinda disappointed I missed the call. We both started talking about how great that would have been, and how we were both in the mood. He asked me to come over, and next thing I know I was on the way to his house. He was outside when I walked up to his house, I said hi to him, and walked by. He gave me crap for that….I just wanted to say, “I’m here for one thing…..what does a hug and kiss hello have to do with that?” We got to his room, and watched tv and talked for awhile. He asked me if I got with the guy Jason went to school with Saturday night. I laughed, and asked if he was serious. He told me he was. I told him that the guy is engaged first of all, second of all, that wasn’t the guy Jason was trying to set me up with. I also told him what I actually did do. He said he didn’t believe me, and said, “I didn’t even get a phone call or text from you last night.” I told him I was too tired for that. I then repeated what I really did do (even though I don’t have to explain myself to him), and gave him a little more details, since he said things weren’t adding up. I told him that Tom and I went to the usual bar, and I ending up beating some really drunk guy at darts. He asked if I made out with the guy…I just gave him a look and sarcastically said I did. He is so irritating…..why does he care? Just to see if I’m getting with other guys other than him? I don’t ask him if he is getting with other girls….yes, I would like to know, because I would be jealous and probably hurt. However, I’m not going to ask him that….it’s none of my business, I guess, and I don’t want to seem like I care. I don’t know how good the sex was for him last night, because he didn’t get off. I did though…big time. It really bothers me when he doesn’t cum, and has no problem with it. I just think it is strange that he just wants me to get off. Is he immune to blue balls? Or is that just something guys made up to make girls feel bad? Ha Who knows…oh well. Anyway, I went home after we were done; it felt kinda awkward. He walked me to my car, and I gave him a half-ass hug. He laughed and grabbed me and gave me a big hug, and a kiss. He is so confusing to me.
I haven’t heard from him all day today. I wanted to text him to tell him a couple things about my day, but that would mean I was breaking the rules. Plus, I want to see if he is going to text me at all today….I doubt it though. I think I’m doing better about the whole situation with him. I have somehow buried my feelings for him. I wasn’t even sad about leaving his house after sex last night. I actually felt relieved to go home and sleep in my bed. I think it might be because if I would have stayed there would have been more talking, and I would be afraid of him holding me when we went to sleep. In other words, I don’t want him to say or do things that make it seem like he cares, because that makes it impossible for me to keep my feelings for him suppressed; so the less time I spend with him, the better the chance of that not happening. It does, however, kinda bother me when I don’t hear from him all day…..that is the next thing I have to work on getting over.
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