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| Should I stay or should I go
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So, I was just hung up on. I told Mark that I wasn't sure if I wanted to work for him or move in with him. (Obviously he didn't like what I had to say.) Let me explain: Mark runs his own business, and it completely consumes his entire summer. It is really good money, and he loves what he does. His dad had started the business, and Mark had always wanted to be apart of it. This past spring, Mark's dad died, and now Mark is running the whole operation by himself. He hires in people, but they are only temporary. Well, now he wants me to move by him and work for him. He would pay me very well, and I know I would enjoy the work because I have helped him before. However, the thought of moving in with him scares me to death. I don't even know how I feel about him anymore, so how am I supposed to answer him when he asks me if and when I'm going to quit my job. A couple months ago I was planning on doing just that, but now I'm completely confused. I have a chance to move up in my job, and become full time. I love the people I work with, and what I do. I don't know if I want to give that up. I also am not sure if I'm ready to move away from my family. But most importantly, that is such a final, permanent step that I don't think I'm ready for. Plus, he doesn't even have his own house yet. I would have to live with him, his mom, and sister until we got our own place. That is definitely 1 thing I don't want to do. I love his family, I really do, but his mom has been so pushy lately with Mark and I. She keeps asking both of us what are plans are, when is he moving out, etc. The worst though, was when she asked Mark one day what his intentions were for me. He had told her he wasn't sure yet. That woman then told him that if he didn't get me a ring soon that I would leave him......and then she handed him a coupon to a jewelery store!!!!!!   First of all, I am not one of those girls that just haaaas to get married. Second of all, Mark getting me a ring is what is going to make me run away and leave him, not the other way around. Third of all, STOP PRESSURING!!! The more she pressures, the more I want to turn and run far, far away. Ugh! I have no idea what to do about anything. One big fault of mine is my inablility to make decisions. I am scared to death of decisions. I always feel as if no matter what I decide, it's going to be the wrong choice. Part of me wants to be there for Mark, and help him run his business, because it is exciting; I enjoy it. However, another part of me only wants to move down there, because I would feel bad if I didn't. He sounded so hurt on the phone when I told him that I didn't know what I was going to do. I almost feel as if I'm looking for reasons to be with him. Right now, I feel the only reasons I am staying with him is because I don't want to hurt him, he has had a rough year, and I worry about him. He gets really depressed about his dad sometimes, and I feel as if I'm the only one he can talk to. The other part of me wants to do what I want. I want to be happy with my life, and I'm afraid I won't be if I stay with Mark. I was talking with a girl I work with today, Rebecca. She is majoring in psychology and loves to "shrink" me she calls it haha. She doesn't think I should stay with Mark. She thinks our relationship has turned into a friendship, and thinks Mark and I are just too comfortable with each other. I think I agree. But then she starts telling me to go for my "crush" and it freaks me out. I feel guilty about having a crush on this guy in the first place. Even if Mark and I broke up, I wouldn't be ready to date another guy.......even though this guy................whew, let's just say that I haven't had this big of an attraction towards someone in a VERY long time. I think I'm just gonna go to sleep, and forget that Mark is mad at me, forget that I have a life-changing decision to make, and forget about how guilty I'm feeling for having this damned crush! (At least until I wake up)
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Posted by nakedtruth on 2008-01-15 01:45:44 | Rating: | Views: 100
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Well like you said you love your job and dont wanna move away. Dont go till you know what you really want what marks intentions are and if its really the thing best for you. If he does love you he would want whats best right?
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Posted by HiddenEmotions
on 2008-01-15 09:01:08
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I know how you feel, I made decisions because I felt bad for someone, or because it was comfortable and easy. Go with what your head tells you is right for YOU.
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Posted by TheAlreadyJaded
on 2008-01-15 13:18:46
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haha i agree with Rebbecca, get to know this other older guy more. . . haha. sorry about your relationship though, i dont know what i would do, honestly though i m not one to do things by halfs so i would either dump him or move in if i were you. take a stand and control your own life!
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Posted by Arya
on 2008-01-17 00:03:10
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