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One Day At A Time...I Guess

So, I owe AlreadyJaded $20 haha. She left a comment on one of my blogs saying that Jim would come crawling back. Well, he called me last night. It was almost 2am and I looked at my phone and saw I had a missed call from him around 1. My first thought was why the hell is he calling me so late? Then I just stared at my phone not believing my eyes. I must have stared at my phone for a good 3 minutes trying to decide if I was seeing things when I got a text from him asking if I was awake. I sent one back telling him I was. The texts went like this:
Jim: Sorry if I woke you. I’m still very much into you. I just freaked out.
Me: Yeah, I still don’t understand that. I’m more confused than ever now.
Jim: I am too. I like you and I’m just freaking out about it.
I didn’t know what to say so I just sat there for a minute or two.
Jim: Tell me the truth then
Me: The truth about what?
Jim: I don’t know…what you want, that’s what.
Me: I have no idea what I want. I just got out of a relationship 2 months ago. Yes, I have developed some feelings for you, but I was just taking things 1 day at a time.
Jim: Ok, I guess I freaked about liking you.
Me: So what do you want from me?
Jim: Not sure. What do you want?
Me (getting frustrated): I already answered that….it’s your turn.
He then called me (thank God, I was sick of texting all that). He told me that he had a blast with me Saturday night, and even Sunday morning. He said that when he came up to the bar I was at with his friends he felt trapped. He didn’t know who to talk to. He said he wanted to pay attention to me, but didn’t want his friend to get mad and vice versa. I told him that I have no problem with him talking to his friends. He said he knew that, he was just freaking out about the thought of commitment and didn’t know if he wanted to go there again. By this point I was so confused, so I asked him again what he wanted from me. He said that he didn’t want anything from me; he just likes me and doesn’t know what to do about it. We both went back and forth saying I don’t know what I want. He said that we either can go back to taking things 1 day at a time or…..and then he trailed off. I asked him what he wanted to do, because if we go back to hanging out and talking all the time things are going to get even more complicated. He said he knew that, and was fine with it. So we agreed that we were going to take things 1 day at a time again. It was the most confusing conversation ever. I told him that I’m afraid to do or say anything now in case he has another freak out. He said he knows, he is just confused about what he wants and doesn’t want to hurt me. I wanted to ask him how he would hurt me, but he went on about something else and I didn’t get a chance to. Now, I’m left wondering about that comment. Anyway, he also told me that he wanted to call me so things weren’t awkward when and if we saw each other out. I told him that it definitely would have been, and that I was thinking about not even going out. He said he was thinking about staying in as well. He told me sorry a million times for freaking out, and that his friend was even like, “What is wrong with you?!” Then he said that he shouldn’t have even told me that he freaked out about liking me. I told him that he would have had to eventually tell me anyway because I had already asked him why it felt so weird between us Sunday night…so I knew something was up. After we hung up I got another text from him asking if it was possible for me to send him a dirty text to help him sleep….weird I know, but I did anyway. We went back and forth with those for awhile. At first I felt weird about it….I mean, we have done it before, but it just felt weird this time because of the conversation we just had. However, I realized it was a good ice breaker…almost like make-up sex through text messages haha. I’m still going to be really nervous next time I see him, but not as nervous as I would have been before those stupid texts haha.

Now, here’s what I don’t understand. I don’t understand how a couple days ago when he first told me about his spaz moment that he acted like he knew what he wanted. He told me straight up that he can’t do a commitment, he might be moving. But then last night it changed to “I don’t know what I want…what do you want?” thing. I thought he knew exactly what he didn’t want. Another thing….the whole maybe moving thing never came up last night, but a couple days ago he used it as an excuse. I think the next time I see him, I am going to ask him if he would be able to do a “friends with benefits” relationship. Don’t get me wrong….I do not want that nor can I do that because feelings are already involved. You can’t have friends with benefits when feelings are involved. If he says yes, I am going to tell him that I can’t do that…and I guess that will be it for us. If he says no, then I’ll know for sure if he really likes me or just wants sex….which I still don’t think is the case. Who knows…we’ll see.

It is somewhat back to normal I guess with us. He texted me this morning to tell me about a job interview he had…..buuut I haven’t heard anything from him since. I kinda thought he would try to hang out with me tonight, but he didn’t. I think I am ok with that….I want to see him (I can’t wait to kiss him), but at the same time I don’t think I was ready to see him tonight. I know that I like him a lot right now, but I’m afraid that when I see him all these feelings are going to come rushing at me. Tomorrow night could be interesting…

Posted by nakedtruth on 2008-03-14 00:57:32 | Rating:

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		OHHH shnap! He likes you so much and he can't even deny it. You've got him goofy over you girl!
Posted by LadiLucifer on 2008-03-14 07:39:47


		Yesss, I won!!! I think he said that commitment stuff to feel you out, then after a few days he was like "oh shit, what if she's done with me now??" so, as always, he came craaaawlin back. :)
Posted by TheAlreadyJaded on 2008-03-14 11:05:58