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I don't really have anything to write about tonight; I'm just feeling depressed and want to vent. I am fine during the day as long as I'm busy, but at night I'm miserable. I think it's because Jim and I used to talk at night. I knew I was introuble when I first started looking forward to talking to him at night. I knew I was in even bigger trouble when I got the biggest smile on my face when I saw that I had a text or a call from him. I should have put a stop to everything right then and there. I shouldn't have even allowed him to start anything with me. I still find it so weird how one day I wanted nothing to do with him, and literally the very next day I was hooked. How does that happen? It is so frustrating to me, because I originally rejected him; now I'm sitting here feeling rejected BY HIM. I think what hurts more than him moving is the fact that he is still here and doesn't want to see or talk to me. I absolutely hate when my phone goes off at night now, because my heart leaps for a split second. I can't believe I got this way over him!! We didn't get to really know each other until these past 2 months, so I don't understand where these feelings are coming from. I guess I just don't remember how fast it takes to fall for someone. So how long does it take to get over someone that you were only seeing for 2 months? I don't think it should take long at all, but for some reason I feel like it's going to take forever to get over Jim. I know that he has ruined me though....I mean, I am going to be deathly afraid of getting involved with a guy from now on. Jim fed me so many lines...."I'm falling for you", "I'm not afraid to admit that you make me smile", "I've never had so much fun with someone", "You completely won me over" and to top it all off.....tearing up over me. And then he just stops talking to me after all that....and doesn't seem to be torn up over it at all. I hate guys. I feel sorry for the next guy that comes along, because I'm not going to believe anything he says. It's going to take A LOT to get me to let my guard down next time around. I wish I could just tell him how much of a jerk he was, because bottling all this up is driving me crazy. I need some form of closure, otherwise he is going to be one of those guys that I'll always be wondering about. It's ridiculous how a 2 month whatever you call it....fling, I guess....can stir up all these emotions. I think I would be perfectly happy never falling for someone for the rest of my life, because I hate giving someone the power to hurt you. I then think about poor Mark; he would never hurt me, but I don't want to be with him. Maybe I wouldn't have to worry about a broken heart with Mark though, because my heart wouldn't be 100% invested into the relationship. Maybe love really is giving your whole heart to someone, knowing they could break it at any moment, but you don't care because you want to be with that person no matter what....they are worth that risk. Well, I don't want to get into that position with anyone....way too scary. I'm already treading on dangerous water, because I still want to see and talk to Jim even though I know it's going to hurt even more when he leaves. Well, I feel a little better now that I bitched and moaned. Thanks everyone for all the comments, by the way.....they have really helped!
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Posted by nakedtruth on 2008-04-03 02:20:00 | Rating: | Views: 157
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Hon,
I am really sorry for what Jim put you through. I'm afraid to tell you though it wasn't real love on his side. He clearly played you and as a result your heart is hurting. When you meet the one you're meant to be with, you will know. They will never direspect you, they will give you full honesty. There's also a saying. The man that can make you cry isn't worth your tears, but the man that is worth your tears will never make you cry. Jim has acted like a dick and it is up to you to live your life without wasting another second on him. Everything happens for a reason and every moment you live is an experience to reflect on. As a result of what Jim has done you will be stronger.
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Posted by southernsun
on 2008-04-03 07:48:54
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Ohh, I don't think it was real love or anything like that at all. I've been in love before, and my feelings for Jim are not love. Thanks for the comment though!
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Posted by nakedtruth
on 2008-04-03 20:16:50
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i know exactly how it feels to have a brief fling with someone (which you thought was heading in the relationship direction) and then to be abruptly dumped for no apparent reason.
just hang in there until all ties are severed and you can think freely and be rid of him
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Posted by roxietheroxie
on 2008-04-03 21:33:03
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