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This is probably going to be a long one….I hope not though, because I need to get to bed some time soon. I actually went to bed before the sunset last night for the first time since I was a little kid ha. I was in the sun all weekend long and it completely wiped me out; not to mention the insane amount of alcohol I consumed.
Thursday:
After work, I went out with Tom, Jill, and Dan. We just went to the usual bar to shoot some pool. I was not pleased to see Brandon walk in shortly after we were there. I shouldn’t complain though, because he actually left me alone. I wanted to take it pretty easy and try to get to bed at a decent hour; however, that never goes as planned. Dan ended up getting mad at Jill because she got really drunk and didn’t want to go back to his house to have sex (Boo frickin hoo….I haven’t gotten laid in almost 2 months now). Anyway, Jill wanted to stay out with Tom and I, so we parted ways with Dan and went to a bar that normally stays open late. When we got there, Kristy (Brandon’s ex g/f) was there, so I went and said my drunken hello to her. She told me how Brandon refuses to be friends with her, because he is still in love with her and it hurts too much. Hmmm….I don’t know about that guy. So, the bar didn’t end up staying open as late as it normally does, but since the owner likes me, he let us stay after-hours. Definitely shouldn’t have done that…..we did not need to drink anymore. I was actually way better than Tom and Jill. I ended up losing my buzz, because I had to make sure the creepy guys at this bar weren’t going to eat Jill for dinner (she is very oblivious to her surroundings when she gets drunk). After we left, we decided to get some food so everyone could sober up more. We ended up staying there for well over an hour because we ran into some people we knew. While I was there I got a call from Jim; it was around 4am my time. I answered and he asked me what I was up to. I told him that I was babysitting Tom and Jill. He asked me if I was ok to drive….I told him I was. He sounded very concerned and protective about it…I thought it was cute. He told me that he wanted me to call him back when I dropped Jill off, so I told him I would. He must have really wanted to talk to me, because he went as far as saying, “Ok, call me back, please” after I already told him I would. Of course, though, 30 minutes goes by when I finally got to call him back….and he didn’t answer. I was not happy! I really wanted to talk to him.
Friday:
Tom, Dan, Jill, and I all piled in Tom’s car like sardines and headed to Jason’s cabin for his family’s huge 4th of July bash they throw every year. On the way there, Jim and I were texting each other. He had asked me how the night was and I asked him how his went. He told me that it was only ok, because work is tiring him out. I told him that he is lacking energy because he doesn’t have anyone as fun as me around to make him forget how tired he is. All he said was good point. I decided to keep the conversation going and asked him what he was doing for the 4th. He told me that he was probably just going to drink a lot. I teased, “Yeah, me too….so I should be expecting another drunk call from you like last night? So did you call for a particular reason or just wanted to talk?” He just said that he wanted to see what was going on with me. I decided not to respond to that. A little while later I got another text from him saying, “If you don’t like the late calling I won’t do it.” Now, he was probably just trying to get my goat, but I gave in and said, “Oh come on, I’m teasing you….you know I love it.” He laughed and said, “Well, don’t get mouthy then miss.” I just laughed to myself and decided not to respond again. An hour went by when I got another from him saying, “I’m not happy with the texts.” I was very confused, so I said, “And why is that?” He told me they were rude. Lakjdfljkdf Ha…please! I said to him, “I am so tempted to tell you to relax right now to get you back for saying it to me all the time, but I won’t.” He laughed and told me that I wasn’t allowed to use his words against him. I love when we go back and forth like that….it cracks me up, because neither one of us gets serious about it. Anyway, I told him I was just giving him a taste of his own medicine. He said his usual, “Watch it”, so I decided to have a little more fun and said, “What you gonna do? Spank me?” He told me no, he is going to give me the silent treatment instead. I told him he wouldn’t be able to go too long without talking to me; he never responded…butthead. By this time, we were already at Jason’s cottage and half in the bag. Once again, Tom, Jill, and I were the drunken ones. Jill even broke a chair just by sitting in it…..it was hilarious. Now I’m not going to be the only one made fun of for doing that. Anyway, around 2am I decided to call Jim, because I wanted to see if he was really giving me the silent treatment. He didn’t answer so I went to bed.
Saturday:
I woke up happy to see I had a missed call from Jim around 4am. We all surprisingly got up pretty early and spent the entire day outside. Most people started drinking around 11am….I waited until after lunch. We went out on the boat for most of the day, went swimming, and played some bags. We finally decided to get ourselves cleaned up around 6 to get ready for the band that was going to be there.
Saturday night:
I made a really, really dumb decision, and I absolutely hate myself for it. I could use the alcohol excuse, but I should have known better. On the other hand, it made me realize something.
The band started setting up just as we were all going to round 2 of drinking. Everyone was really wasted by the time the band started playing. Jason’s friend, Ben, kept dancing with me while I kept finding a way out of it. I was so worried that I was going to end up making out with him that I didn’t notice the snake in the grass, Ron (Jason’s cousin). Ron has a girlfriend….in fact, they were engaged recently. He was flirting with me like crazy. I enjoyed every minute of it, because I always thought he was very cute and I actually believed it was more harmless than flirting with Ben. WRONG! Since, Ron’s g/f wasn’t there this weekend he followed me around like crazy all night long. When everyone decided to go to bed, he walked with me to Jason’s cabin. He told me to come meet him at his cabin in a few minutes….I just laughed at him. I found Jill and we decided to go bother all the drunk people (Jason’s family set up tons of air mattresses in one of the back garages that was recently built….I know, very hillbilly haha). We found Ben and Joe (a friend of Jason’s family). We jumped in bed with them and were just being obnoxious. Next thing I know Ron shows up and “rescues” me and Jill. Jill got distracted by Dan, so Ron took advantage of the opportunity by pulling me over to the side of his cabin and kissed me. I am guilty of kissing him back, and I hate myself for it. The entire time I was kissing him it felt sooo wrong. There was nothing good about it. First reason, he is engaged and I like his girlfriend…she is really nice. Second of all, I couldn’t stop thinking about Jim. I pulled away and told him that I can’t do that and it was wrong to have done it. He asked me why and I disgustingly said, “Because you are engaged!” The slime ball then said, “Molly, I have always had a crush on you and wondered how it would be to kiss you. I’m not married yet and I want you to be the last girl I am with before I get married.” I told him there was no way, because I like his girlfriend and I’m in love with someone else (yes, I actually said that ha). He basically said that if it doesn’t bother him then it shouldn’t bother me. I told him that I’m not like that and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself in the morning if we continued. He finally stopped trying to persuade me and I left. I took a walk away from all the cabins and started crying. I couldn’t stop….I just felt so bad for what I did. I could cry right now over it. It honestly makes me sick to my stomach. I decided to go grab my phone because I had to talk to Jim…I HAD to. Not only did it feel wrong kissing Ron because he is engaged, but it felt just as wrong because it wasn’t Jim. I really never want to kiss anyone else but him. So, as I was heading back to the cabin to grab my phone I saw Ron approaching me. I quickly wiped away my tears and he asked me if I was ok. I told him I was fine and that I was just going to bed. He did look concerned, but I still think he is a creep. He must really not love her that much if he, who is engaged, can easily cheat; but me, who has no commitment with Jim, can’t even kiss someone without it feeling completely wrong. It really felt like my insides were screaming “NOO! Stop! This isn’t right.” I truly believe that even if Ron was single I would still have everything inside me telling me it was wrong.
Anyway, I grabbed my phone and called Jim. I must have still sounded really upset, because after he answered and I said hi to him, he immediately asked if I was ok. I told him I was alright; I just needed to talk to him. He told me he would call me back in a few minutes. I sat by the fire, cried and waited for him to call back. While sitting there I decided I wasn’t going to tell him I actually kissed the guy; I was just going to tell him the guy tried to kiss me. My reasoning for that then was I didn’t want to make Jim extremely jealous. Now, I kind of wish I would have just told him the truth, because I don’t want to lie to him. When he called back he asked me what was wrong again. I told him that some guy tried to kiss me and I couldn’t do it because of him. He asked me why, and I told him because I don’t want to kiss anyone else but him. He laughed and told me that was cute. I told him it wasn’t cute, it was pathetic. He loved every minute of my drunken confession. He wouldn’t stop teasing me about it, which I didn’t mind, because he was making me laugh. He asked if the guy was good looking, and I told him he was, but I still didn’t want to kiss him….I couldn’t. (It is somewhat true….I didn’t want to kiss him…I hate myself). He joked, “You should have gone for it.” I asked him if he really wanted me to and he said, “No, not really.” He then asked me again when I’m going to come visit him. I told him I will when he asks me when he is sober. He got upset with me and said, “You know I still mean what I say when I have been drinking.” I told him that I did, but I would still like it if he was 100% sober. He said, “Fine, I will call you tomorrow.” We talked for awhile longer after that…it was pretty much him making me laugh and trying to fluster me. I was teasing him that I could probably beat him in pool now since he hardly plays and I play all the time. He told me that I need to practice for about 20 years before I can beat him. I said, “Fine, I’ll call you in 20 years for a game.” He asked me, “What if you’re married to some guy.” I told him that I would still call him up to beat him. He says, “What if we are married in 20 years….then you wouldn’t have to call.” What a butthead!!! I just laughed at him, and he said, “You would love it.” I told him to shutup and stop trying to get me all flustered; he just laughed at me. I hate when he just throws stuff like that at me….it throws me off and I don’t know what to say. It’s a game we play with each other, because I try to do it to him as well. He also told me that he is coming to visit some time in September. I just said, “oh really”, and he said, “Yeah, I got to visit ________(I forgot the name) and I have to see you.” I brushed him off….I don’t know why I feel like he is just humoring me sometimes when he says things like that. He gets mad at me every time I feel that way too. We finally ended our phone conversation, but before we hung up he repeated that he would talk to me “tomorrow” (Sunday).
I started walking back to the drunk house to find Jill. She, Dan, and Joe were all sleeping on 1 air mattress together…it was pretty funny. I jumped in bed with Ben, because I wanted to cuddle with someone and I knew he was way better than Ron. He was a gentleman….he just put his arms around me and we fell asleep. It was nice to be in someone’s arms. I really needed it after the Ron episode.
Sunday:
I woke up hating myself even more. I really hope that Ron doesn’t tell anyone about that stupid kiss! I can just picture it now…..he tells 1 of Jason’s family members (who all have HUGE mouths) and next thing you know everyone knows, including his fiancé. Then it escalates to the point that I’m not ever allowed to Jason’s cottage again, because they all think I’m a whore or something. I really hope I’m being paranoid. It’s making me feel sick to my stomach though! The cheating thing is only half the reason I feel sick….lying to Jim has been consuming my conscience with guilt as well. I want him to know that he has me even though there is no “official” commitment between us. I created one for myself and I want to keep it. I don’t think it is going to feel right kissing anyone but him.
As we were all getting ready to leave, I discovered a text from Jim on my phone from after we got off the phone. He asked if I went to go make out with that guy. I told him that I just went to bed. He laughed and asked me why. I said, “I’m glad you find my inability to kiss other guys so humorous.” He told me that I should have let the guy have it. I decided I wanted to try to get him back for the “married” comment and said, “Nah, I just told him that some guy in California has my heart and refuses to give it back…kidding.” I really wasn’t kidding though, because I did tell Ron that I was in love with someone haha. Jim just laughed and said, “Nicely said.” Damn…I was hoping to get him all flustered, but you can’t tell through a text message. Oh, by the way…he never did call me to soberly invite me to visit him. That’s ok….I will just give him crap for it next time he asks me after a night of drinking.
This took me forever to type!!! I wanted to get to bed early because I am going out in the city with Andy after work. I am going to be dead Wednesday!!! I never learn my lesson though.
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Posted by nakedtruth on 2008-07-08 01:25:26 | Rating: | Views: 109
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I think guys named Ron are usually creeps. My ex was named Ron and although he was HOTT, he was smooth and a cheater. You did the right thing by staying away. I understand someone having your heart
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Posted by prelude2it
on 2008-07-08 09:44:42
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So familiar with bad decisions while drinking! sighhhh. It'll get better. It sounds like the communication with Jim is getting way better!
And agreed Prelude, Ron's are creepy.
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Posted by TheAlreadyJaded
on 2008-07-08 12:37:56
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I agree that your communications with Jim are getting better and you are allowing yourself to admit (in a cute, flirtatious and not at all leechy way) that you have true feelings for him and he clearly returns those feelings or else he wouldn't be bothering with you anymore. Seriously, what is he getting out of it right now being so far away from you if he doesn't really miss you? I can't wait till you visit him but think it was great that you told him to ask you again when he is sober. good for you! Finally, stop feeling guilty. Creepy Ron should feel guilty, not you. You pulled away before anything really happened.
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Posted by Meredith
on 2008-07-08 14:41:38
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Everything's already been said, I'll just reinforce it. Stop feeling guilty. You stopped it, which was the right thing.
Jim has it bad for you, it shows :) The two of you are really cute...its so obvious you guys are in love :D And you both know it and still dont know it :D It really reminds me of me and BF :)
Things are looking good, girl :)
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Posted by angelwings
on 2008-07-09 04:57:24
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