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| Single. Smart. And a little confused...
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This is my first blog entry...ever! So bare with me if it sucks :)
So, I'm female, single, newly 30, educated (just finished my masters), witty, too honest, and overly sarcastic. Adding attractive into the mix means I shouldn't be single, right? LOL Hell, I love sports, cars, checking out girls, watching porn, masturbating...many of the things that make getting along with men easier than girls most of the time. I'm not gay, although I do love women. The human body, male or female, is seriously a beautiful creation...and I admire beautiful bodies. I realize that makes me sound a little vain, but I'm here to be honest. I've lived my life with a very strong sense of truth and the anonymity of this blog makes that honesty only want to shine even more.
I'm confused about society's expectations for all of us to pair off and mate. I know its natural selection, but I'm not 100% sold on the institution of marriage and that we are meant to find that ONE person that will be your partner in life. Perhaps my confusion, and yes, skepticism, is because I've been through a few divorces in my day (my parents, my friends, my mentors, my colleagues...). I firmly believe that every person you meet in your life can provide some form of a magnifying glass to your personality and your ultimate goals in life. They can shape who you become and even just make you realize who you are today...if you choose to look and ask yourself those simple, yet really difficult questions.
I recently worked with a career counselor who asked me a lot of what I thought were simple questions in order to assess my skills, needs, and overall personality traits. For me, simple questions have never been simple. I've always dreamed of being able to answer questions with a simple yes or no. But I can't do it... I've tried. There is always a shade of grey...or maybe...or it depends on my mood and the circumstances. After all was said and done, she told me that I have a very unique, yet difficult, personality type. One of the basic tests she did with me usually classifies each person with one or two strong personality types (out of four possible types). I was a high scorer in all four types. The results in a nut shell said that I am going to lead a life of stress when it comes to figuring out what I want to do with my life and with relationships unless I figure out how to balance these personality types to work together and continuously adjust to each person I encounter. That sounds easy, right? LOL
Hence my confusion... sometimes I feel depressed that I can't figure out what to do with myself, sometimes I feel ridiculously empowered to do something great in this world, sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by the possiblities of what's out there, sometimes I'm so distraught by the hatred and stupidity of some of the people in this world, sometimes I don't understand why I and everyone else make most things in life so much more difficult than they need to be... but all in all, I think I'm just human. I think part of the goal of this blog is to really reach out and connect with other people who might feel the same way and to reach people who don't agree with me. I crave a challenge... not confrontation, a true challenge of my beliefs. I know I don't know everything, far from it actually. But there are days when I need a reminder; I need to know that there are other people out there that are intelligent, honest, caring, and truly want what is right...what is true. I hope that didn't sound like a greeting card...
For now, I think I'm going to end this entry. I have so much to say about so much... some of it's funny, some of it's sad, all of it's true, and I couldn't make it more real if I tried. I welcome comments, critiques, complaints, and any other "c" word you can think of... even the bad one :) Humor is the root of all truth. I love laughing, making people laugh, and yes, even laughing at myself. I'm a pretty funny chic...
PS - Profanity is a lost art. I think if people were less concerned about being "nice" and more concerned with being honest and open-minded, this word would be a better place. The "nice" would take care of itself...
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Posted by nadira on 2008-02-17 15:04:20 | Rating: | Views: 192
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Nice has it's place, though, and smooths the rough edges this coarse, hasty world has to offer. If I can look past a few words in those first few lines, I would like to respond to the rest with the first gesture that comes to mind...>HUG< I think you could use one:) I don't know how I would do on those tests, but I feel just as difficult and as much a brainiac as you. I, however have no interest in my gender the way you do. I can admit men are good looking...even be envious of them...but have no sexual interest whatsoever. I find it appealing to find women like you who can favor/discuss both men and women this way. But, profanity is not a lost art. It is a prevailing weed of a habit that does not sit well with me. And, though people call me a smartmouth, I am hardly as barbed or sarcastic biting as you may be...which would concern me in chatting. I don't want to feel the sting of anyone's words while trying to get comfortable with them. And, for me, that is most important...being comfortable(as well as being open and honest so there are no wrinkles of suspicion or half-truth to steam out later).
Not sure what else to say or where to go from here. Just felt I had to acknowledge you. Good luck in whatever you choose to do. See you around?
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Posted by brainstormer
on 2008-02-19 03:29:28
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Thanks brainstormer for writing. Usually when I meet someone for the first time, and our chemistry is working (meaning I like you... in any way shape or form), then I am very understanding. Because of my honesty about myself and my perspectives, people tend to open up to me (even if they don't even know me). Because of my personality, I have become very aware of my words and how people react to them. It doesn't stop me from being brutually honest, but most of the time, people find it refreshing. I can be biting sometimes though... they aren't usually proud moments and I usually apologize if I think I hurt anyones' feelings.
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Posted by nadira
on 2008-02-19 09:07:23
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Likewise...we seem similar in some ways...however, after you confirmed that what I thought was just a poem to be in fact a real experience...I am left rather speechless...dont know what else to say...but I don't feel good.
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Posted by brainstormer
on 2008-02-20 03:05:13
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Any poem I attempt to write is always based on real experiences. That experience wasn't probably as bad as the poem made it sound. I still look back on that night fondly... wink wink!
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Posted by nadira
on 2008-02-20 09:29:27
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Hey there, you're the first blog I read on this site. I also started writing here today, due to boredom. And yes, anonimity rules. Not that I have alot of secrets though !
Well, I'm running out of things to say right about...now. BYE !
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Posted by SpookyOne
on 2008-02-21 08:52:11
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