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i have a huge pimple on my back. i can't reach it, so it's just there festering. yes, it's disgusting, and it hurts like hell. so hot.
it's funny how we (and by "we" i mean "I") can take something, dwell on it, obsess on it, pick it apart, and make ourselves miserable when, in fact, the thing in question is a big, fat nothing. i was given a compliment (i think). i was told that i was not unattractive. now, to be clear, i wasn't actually told that i was, in fact, attractive, but i think that's the way the comment was meant. maybe. anyway, i responded and was in turn responded to, and the response had to do with girls not liking pretty guys because, as the reasoning went, if you find them pretty, then they find themselves twice as pretty, and results in misery for the girl. the result is that no smart woman wants a pretty guy. now, taken in context, i can only assume that the person in question was saying that she agrees with me that i'm not pretty. and this is the kind of ridiculous obsessing i'm talking about. truly, she probably didn't mean anything by it at all. i doubt there was any real thought put into the conversation, that it was spur of the moment, and what was said was intended to be positive. but i'll pick it apart. and it's really only because i'm hammering myself hard as of late. i don't know why i'm doing that. but, seriously, i really, really, REALLY don't like what i see when i look in the mirror lately. all i see are flaws. there's a commercial for some detergent. in it there is some guy applying for a job (i think), and the man interviewing him cannot pay attention to what guy #1 is saying. this is because there is a spot on guy #1's shirt, and it is doing this sort of nonsensical singing/noise-making every time the guy starts talking. the point is that things like stains on shirts are distractions, so use this detergent and make them go away. all my flaws are like the singing spot, except they are much more loud and demanding of attention. my flaws just scream out every time i look in the mirror. i try to avoid mirrors at all costs now. if i ever start looking i can't stop. and it's not vanity, or, at least, it's not "i'm so hot" vanity. it's "holyfuckingshitimafuckingmonster." christ, what a self-absorbed dork i've become. the really frustrating thing is that i can see it all. i know i'm being an idiot. i just can't seem to stop. i see the brick wall up ahead, but instead of hitting the breaks i just floor it. you'd think i'd run out of gas at some point, but apparently i've got all the fuel in the world. or, at least i have enough to ensure my doom.
dun-dun-duuuun!
oh, and lest there be any question as to whether or not i am a hideous beast:
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Posted by mywar on 2008-03-26 16:38:19 | Rating: | Views: 67
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awww I'm sorry. Dont be so hard on yourself. Try not to focus on it or obsess about it so much. Then like a month later you will look in the mirror, at yourself and be like "you know what I'm sexy I dont know what i was thinking last month." You are your toughest critic. I like to take my flaws and turn them into something positive or unique. Best wishes to you.
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Posted by jenjan
on 2008-03-27 04:10:43
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