I hit my head again. This really sucks because I have deep brain vascular damage and been having a few seizures lately. The seizures are mainly stressed/stimulation induced... but any further hits to the head seriously comprimise the status of clots. So I'm a little freaked. One the other hand, since I hit my head I've been thinking a little more clearly than of late. The last few weeks have been particularly off for me and I've found myself in some trouble. I repeat myself often, a result of short term forgetfullness. I'll set off on random comments that kind of seem out of place in the conversation. When I get tired, forget it. Whatever is being said can only be best described as brain blackness. It was not good in a meeting at work this week when I had to bow out... and it was my project.

I can juggle several projects at work at the same time, and I can function pretty well at home. But mix the two, and watch out.

But I am lucky to have some family and friends who have known me long enough to understand that I am not meaning to be rude. They laugh when I blank on them... and take terrible advantage of me during poker. But I don't care, it's fun. But sometimes I honestly get so confused sometimes that I don't know how to react. Or I can't remember if I have already reacted and so I don't want to take a chance therefore I stand back and just watch. So blog corresponding is hard for me because I know that I write - but I can't always remember if I have responded. Checking back and forth between sites is so time consuming and then I can't remember the name of who it was I was looking at. But some of you I can remember clearly. So I am sorry if I seem standoffish.

Working on the marriage front has been working wonderfully. The timing couldn't be better as hubby realized that I was having trouble coping (two seizures in one week - both of which he had ignored). Once we talked about it, and he started realizing that he was partly the cause of the stressors which triggered me, then he started being more thoughtful and helping out more. He is 'here' - as opposed to in his own world. My kids are amazing ... they try so hard to help me, and when I feel trouble coming on I leave the room. Then they come and hug me and it is all better.

Brain injury sucks. Concussions suck. I've had fourteen. I'm a clutz and need to re-evaluate myself and take better care. I need to write things down and remember to look them up again! I hate that I look and act normal but struggle. I hate having to tell people that I am asking questions because I don't understand. But so far, people have been kind with me.

I'm scared out of my mind, what little manageable mind that I have left. My little scrambled mind. The little scrambled mind that got bumped today because I forgot to be careful when I climbed under the desk. Sigh.