Well, it's been two weeks since our separation. Actually, I don't know how to count it as it took a week to get him to move out of the bed. He's been sleeping on the couch for the last week, and seems pretty confident that he'll change and work things out. I'm pretty satisfied with the decision to allow him to stay in the house, as it is the best for the kids. We are very civil to each other, and with the kids ages being what they are, I don't want to set them up anymore for acting out. Especially our son, who is 15 and we only adopted from foster care 4 years ago. He has such trust issues with men - and I just imagine why! Its eggshells to keep the kids from freaking out... so this is good. Ron is convinced that he can change. The thing is, I doubt that the changes will stick. He went to tell his parents the other day, and came back pouting because he 'got in trouble', and was 'lectured for an hour'. He felt like he was five years old. It made me laugh, which is good because the very fact that he actually told them is a starting point for healing. I've told him that I will never allow the man I've been married to for 21 years back into my life. If he even thinks he has a chance, then he has to completely change his ways. Impossible? We'll see. He's in counselling (again) and seems to be trying to do everything in his power. Being in the house offers him the opportunity to have everything that he has always had - except the laundry and access to me. So the true test of how much he values me will come out soon enough. Is he interested in all the trimmings of a tidy marriage/family and all the beautiful things that can offer? Or is that all he wants, and not me. Right now, I don't think he wants me... just all the security I provide. So I too am in counselling to gear up and prepare for the possibly the next big rejection. Luckily I have amazing friends, one comes over twice a week and gives me reflexology treatments and listens, the other is flying me out to see her over the weekend just to get away from it all. Work is supportive and a good distraction. I just wish everything would go away and nothing ever happened, but I know that there is a very, very important message in this. My consolation is that the message is not for me this time, but for those around me. The blessing to come out of this so far is realizing how much I am loved by friends, and family. And I am worthy of that love.