Thoughts.com Blogs - FAR from okay..

So Mason never took a nap. Which was fine, kinda wanted the company anyways. But all of a sudden Mason started screaming for Daddy. So I found Phillip, he called, talked to Mason and now he's doing good. Me on the other hand, I'm far from okay. Just hearing his voice made the tears flow again. I started looking at houses over around Waterloo. I think it's going to come down to the boys and I moving over there. Anymore, I don't care. Thinking about laying in bed last night with him for the last night, for god knows how long, I wanted to look at him and say "lets get married.. NOW!" but I didn't. I regret it. Because I know him, he would have said okay. But what's sad about it is he would have thought I was joking. But I wanted to tell him that, pack up the boys & go some where & get married. He asked me if I was doing okay, of course I lied and said I was fine, but in all honesty I'm far from it. I know he knows that. But yeah, I just can't bring myself to tell him all this stuff. That it litterally kills me when we're apart. If it wasn't for the boys to keep me occupied and friends that cared about me, I don't know what kind of person I'd be when Phillip wasn't here. I can't wait for him to come back and to have the feeling of completion & happiness again.

Anyways. This is good bye, for now.