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| The Mr. Darcy of My Life |
I watched Pride and Prejudice last night, and I wish Mr. Darcy didn't remind me so much of the man I've been trying to get over for four years now. Now, since he does remind me so much of him, I've been a bit melancholy the whole day. I miss him so much. I shouldn't, as I have a beautiful boyfriend of two years now. The only thing with him (current boyfriend) is that he's Brazilian, and next year he's returning to Brazil for the rest of his life (supposedly the rest of his life...you know how the Lord can throw in surprises once in a while). I don't want to go to Brazil with him. I imagine that the end of our relationship will happen when he leaves, and I imagine being very relieved with that.
I also imagine that, with the end of this current relationship, a new beginning will happen with the aforementioned "man of four years." I met him at college. We were "on again" every college semester for two years, but we were always "off again" again when I'd go home for the summers. Then, when I graduated and had to move out of town permanently, we didn't stay in touch very well, and I met this Brazilian guy.
I went to visit "man of four years" JUST before I got this other boyfriend, and we had SUCH an amazing time together that it should have binded us together for good. But he has a commitment phobia, as I've learned, and I realized I'd have to take a chance with another guy or else wait FOREVER on him. I don't regret being with this Brazilian guy. I'm rather fond of his sweet affection, his commitment to the Lord, his magnificent intelligence....I think we're good together, for this period of time. I just don't think we'd be good together forever.
Something happened with "man of four years" a long time ago that convinced me that I can be patient with this; that one day we'll certainly be together. We were in love with each other, despite never saying those words aloud. He didn't have to tell me he loved me. I know he did. But I know he's terrified for some reason. I know something happened in his life that he won't talk to me about, and it has either turned him toward a struggle with homosexual thoughts or with something else that I can't imagine. He's struggling big-time with something, but I can guarantee you we were in love. I hope we can go back to that. I hope this period of time has been good for us, to fix ourselves so we can return to each other with strength.
I know it has been fun for me, getting close to this Brazilian guy. It really has been fun. I'm glad I've had this opportunity.
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Posted by mycoffeebreak on 2009-11-06 00:48:20 | Rating: | Views: 13
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