For those who don't know (which is most of you, I'm positive), I have been developing a combat board game for the last three years.  I have finally submitted a query to a game company and they are interested enough that they want to see a prototype in their offices.  I have gotten most of the typing finished and just about all I have to do left is to get it printed out and send it in to them.  Things in my life, as far as making one of my dreams come true, are absolutely great...  So, why am I so fucking scared of what just might be one of the greatest things in my life?

I've had this problem for as far back as I can remember.  Every time there is something truly good in my life, I subconsiously try to fuck it up and destroy it.  It's llike the only way I can truly be happy is to not be happy or something like that.  Like the song says, "I'm only happy when it rains."

In the past, with relationships, I do things knowing full well that it will piss off the woman I am with.  It's not that I want to ruin a good thing, I just can't help myself but to try to ruin it all.

Right now, with a few exceptions, my life is actually on a major upturn, but I am terrified of what I'll do to screw this all up.  Will I not mail in the game?  Will I do something to get myself fired from my job?  Will I get into another fight with my roommate in the hopes that she'll try to throw mr out again?  I don't know...  but I'm going to try not to do any of these and get things to finally be right.  I deserve a good life.  I just hope that this time around, I will realize it...