Thoughts.com Blogs - Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am

~So in my quest to live up to my youth and to keep up with my fast paced generation I have created more of a headache than precious memories to live on. I have had more hookups this year than I ever did before and to many people that is a great accomplishment and another proud notch under my belt but the thing is these hookups are just pit stops on my journey to finding a meaningful relationship....these hookups always start with a strong promise of maybe something begining under the surface but they always move faster than I can handle and I end up just getting used for a good time...waking up in a bed that is not my own and the taste of stale vodka and someone elses breath in my mouth is not how I want to spend the rest of young "fun" years. Believe me I don't mind going out and having a great time but I just don't want to end up thirthy with nothing to show for it but my rising level of random hookups and one night standers that seem to roll all into one. Being single isn't as much as a burden than most people think but still having one guy to turn to for anything is also something to dream about. I am growing nervous and scared that my life is becoming one random hookup and that I am destined to be hot enough to sleep with and leave the next day but not hot enough to date for more than maybe 3 days not even...I am scared that I will always fall into that same pattern of looking for one and end up making out or sleeping with more. I want it to be one for awhile and give up this life of just randomness....I found someone to be happy with someone that I wouldn't mind sitting around with sweatpants and a raggedy shirt with but I am scared that we moved fast that making out with him first before knowing more than that he thinks I am hot was a big mistake and that I am just another wham bam thank you ma'am to him which is sadder than making out with him and leaving....My life has come down to these decisions that shouldn't have to be made...we will see whether or not he is different and whether or not he will one up the ante and maybe break this spell that I have of just being the girl you would find in your roommates room walking out smelling of sex, vodka, and morning breath or the one that you hear bout in his stories of his wild wekend or night....this spell defintely needs to be broken fast.~