Thoughts.com Blogs - Cave (Part 2)

View Blog

Cave (Part 2)

Sitting in a cave (cont) 6th March 2009

Well no longer in the cave. Moved this week to a beautiful, large, very light apartment, and alone !

Xmas seems a long time ago now, yet such a short time really.

Xmas was mixed for me. He was working, and I spent all afternoon in a café with the laptop, on webcam to my family.

Things started to go wrong around here.

As I write these small blogs, I realise how pathetic I must sound. Anyway, here goes.

Before I left to come to Turkey, we spent a lot of time talking about the future. We decided to try and see if our relationship was going anywhere.
He had just come through a messy divorce, and she got the home, so he was now living with his parents.
We needed a place together. He had told me how expensive it was to get a good apartment in Turkey. There is always a deposit of 2 months rent, plus the agent also gets one month rent as commission. He had seen some nice places in Besiktas, but total would be around 3000 Turk Lira. He could afford to buy furniture, but not the deposit etc.
So, believing in this man, I sent him the last of my money, 4300 Lira. This was for the apartment and any electric, water, gas deposits needed.
Every day I would ask, “Have you sorted the apartment” and every day, he would say, I will this weekend. Then the weekend came and suddenly it was a better idea if we chose an apartment together when I arrived. This seemed a sensible thing to me, so I never questioned it.
So, 3 weeks after sending the money, I arrived. He met me at the airport, and told me we would stay with his son and his family, while we looked. I was happy. I was to meet some of his family, live with them for a few days and I had a job ready to start in 2 weeks.
The “few days” turned into 9 weeks.
After the first 2 weeks, the doubts crept in. Where was my money? Why weren’t we moving? His family were adamant he would have spent it, but I couldn’t let myself even go down that path.
We looked at a few nice places, and one I fell in love with. He agreed with the landlord, in front of me, we would take it.
OK, now doubts were pushed away, and I began to make plans.
At the same time, his son had decided to move to a place nearer his wife’s family, as she was pregnant.
So, we really had to move now.
They were moving on the Tuesday. I nagged and nagged him about sorting the contract etc for our flat. He said “I will at the weekend”.
I was working on the Sunday and rang him to check he was meeting the landlord to sign contract, Of course, was the reply. I will meet you after you finish work.
So I arrived in Besiktas to meet him. I waited for 4 hours. I txt and called but no response. Then a txt to say, I will be there in 10 minutes.
I was angry, but kept quiet because I didn’t want to rock this boat yet. After all he had all my money.
So we went for something to eat, and my impatience got the better of me. I asked, you signed, and you have the keys?
Ah, he sighed. My heart dropped. There is a problem with the flat; the landlord has changed his mind.
I shouted, NOW, he tells you this NOW. We have to move before Tuesday,
He smiled, don’t worry, I’ll sort something.
Now the doubts were really strong.
But what could I do. He had my money. I had nothing here.
So Tuesday morning came, and so did his sons removal van. They were concerned about me. They couldn’t put me in the street with my cases. I txt and called, but only to be ignored, Then with half an hour to go, he turned up, I was busy at work was the excuse. Get the cases, get in the car.
As we drove away, I asked, where are we going, He said, I will take you to a café and you can wait there. I will try and ask a friend if we can stay.
I snapped. I was tired, angry, needed a shower etc
No, take me to a bloody hotel now. So we drove around trying hotels, and I began to realise he was looking for the cheapest.
Finally he found one in Besiktas, but they wouldn’t let unmarried couples stay together. I said, why didn’t you bloody tell them we were married. He said, they would want to see proof.
By now I could care less. I had a single room with a shower, it was fine.
So for 4 days I stayed there. Alone. He would come after work, and then go to his mothers.
Suddenly on the Friday he said, I found somewhere. It is cheap, but it will do temporarily.
So he collected me, and on a crisp November day, brought me to the cave.
I nearly cried when I walked in.
Basement flat. No windows, No hot water, No shower, Kitchen in living room and one bedroom. It felt like a self catering place.
He dropped me, and went back to work.
So I pulled myself together, and thought, OK, just temporary, I can do this.
A few days later we went to meet the landlord, and I saw him sign a contract. It was for 1 year.!!
Now every time I questioned him, he was evasive, I asked, why are we living like this when we have all that money?
I have a plan, was his reply. Lets save the money, add to it and we can pay 6 months up front for a nice home.
I think I knew in my heart, the money had gone. But I really didn’t want to believe he was capable of doing that. I also decided at this point, I had to get that money in my account. Then I could feel better about making decisions here.
Here began a little nightmare as far as money was concerned. We argued because he always wanted my salary. I refused and he didn’t speak for 3 days.
Then he said, I only want to buy basic things for home. We had no mattress, no washer, no fridge, no hot water, and no cooker.
OK I said. I drew up a budget on a spreadsheet.
I showed him. So much for washer etc etc. He agreed.
I gave him my salary.
The goods never appeared. I gave up I think at this point. My feelings for him were destroyed slowly.
I was sick of the lies, so many lies.
So I decided it was time to ask for the money, directly.
He was evasive for 1 month. Always saying, I need time. I have to give bank notice etc
Finally one night in January, I said, the money has gone hasn’t it, and be honest this time.
He nodded.
Not a word.
I asked “the money was gone before I came here wasn’t it”. He shook his head. Ok then, just after I came.
He nodded.
I said, then you realise this relationship is over. I can never trust you again.
He nodded.
Then mumbled, I will pay you back,
So, I started to make my own plans and future here.
I got a really good permanent job here, with good salary,
I found this wonderful place.
I told him I was leaving. No reaction.
I paid all the deposit etc, It wiped me out for this month, and I am living on soup and bread, but I am happy.

He contacted me to say he will start paying my money back next Month.
We will see.
I hold no hope.
He has created me so many problems here because I don’t have any money, but now I feel optimistic about the future.
I look forward to coming home in the evenings, instead of walking around the shops to avoid the cave.
I have nothing, and it is a bit galling that I now have to pay out again for a washer etc when I already thought I had paid for these things. But my mind is relaxed finally.

Some regrets.
He was a kind man. Cared as well as he could for me. But he has a big problem with money and honesty, and after all I have been through, those 2 things are the most important to me.
So, here begins a new chapter. One that should have begun 6 months ago……..

Is there a small piece of my heart for this man? NOOO

Will I trust again? NOOO

Posted by muppetbrains on 2009-10-26 17:57:02 | Rating: