Since my wife left, the house is so empty..... Everything that I do remind me of her....The scent on her pillow, her clothes...Things we used to do together....Our wedding photos...... I miss her so much.......I hate sound like a pussy...... I finally got cable and a big screen TV, I thought they would fill the void, but not at all.....

I stopped spying on my wife, I guess, since Monday. It was tough, but I stopped, and it was wrong to do it anyway.....Spying on her was my only way to look into her world (the hard shell she puts up), and use the info I info I found to try to understand the whole thing.....

I was up at my buddy, Tim's house for a few days. He lives about 100miles away. I hated bugging him, but I really have no one else to talk to about everything that's been going on. And now, I am back to the empty home...I got my 2 cats,  but how much can you really say to cats.....

Just a little while ago, I found our marriage certificate....I guess it is just another thing that reminds me of her.....

Just within the past few days, for no reason, many times I just burst into tears.......am I on the verge of breaking down? My surgery does make me feel much better. A lot more rested.......but it also means I have to endure the emptiness longer each day.

I want to tell all my thoughts to her and tell her how much I love her, but I can't She is not even wanting to talk to me.