| View Blog
|
|
|
|
i think my best friend is really attractive, especially her killer legs, but i don't fancy her or want anything with her.
but last night i went out with some friends, had a few drinks and i got back to halls about half 2 and she's hangin out her window saying she wants takeaway. so i go to her room and we order some takeaway and we're just chilling out watching eastenders. when we finished she asked if i'd give her a massage. this isnt anything particularly out of the ordinary. apparently i have magic hands and should become a professional masseuse. she often asks for a massage when she's stressed out to relieve some tension and she was stressed last night. i give her this full back massage and she starts feeling a bit calmer and then she says she's been getting cramp in her leg so will i work my magic on her leg, which i do. then she asks if i'll massage her hand which i found a bit strange but hey i did it. im sitting there holding her hand in mine massaging away and she's laid back on the bed all relaxed, watching tv. i look over at her and something in my chest starts fluttering and i'm just sitting staring at her like some kind of freak. she must have felt my eyes on her because she turns round to look at me so i look away quickly and feel all embarrased. she goes back to watching tv and i try not to look at her but i just can't stop my eyes from straying, while all the while i'm still massagin her hand. then i suddenly just stop for a second so i'm basically just sat holding her hand and staring at her with this thing fluttering away and i freak out. so i stop and just pretend nothing happened and not long after that i left. it's about 5 in the morning by this point but then i couldn't get to sleep because i can't stop thinking about holding her hand and how beautiful she looked.
i know, like know for definite, i don't like her as more than a friend but do i want to be close to her? and cuddle up? and just hold her?
or do i want that but with someone special? a relationship?
i guess that makes sense but everytime i get near relationship status i freak out and run and hide under some big pile of rocks somewhere and just wait for it to go away. i like holding hands and cuddling and falling asleep in each others arms but other than that relationships really aren't me. im not a massive fan of kissing or things beyond that and i cant be doing with the whole 'u have someone else to consider now' thing. it just stresses me out not being able to do what i want to do when i want to. i feel opressed in that situation. am i freak for not liking the whole closeness thing? some days i cant even bear to be touched but other days i just want a hug or a cuddle but never ever anything more no matter who it is. thats a bit strange isnt it?
so is one part of me telling me i want a relationship and another part saying no i dont?
or was last night just some crazy one off thing that means nothing? i had had a few drinks to be fair.
arghhhhhhhhhhh confused.com
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
| Views: 90
Email This to a Friend 
