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ok, i'm going to admit it. i think i like someone. by think i mean i'm not sure that i do like them. im just admitting to the fact that its a possibilty.
i always told myself and everyone else that i dont but then lately ive started thinking about them more and more and now i just dont know. not that it matters anyway, they could never like me back. and im not just saying that, i know it for a fact. im gay, shes straight. its just not gonna happen.
why do i always seem to fall for the straight ones? ive had 3 girls like me (that i know of) but yet i still go running after those that are unatainable. its like im trying to punish myself by throwing my heart in to be ripped to shreds by lions and then given back to me in bits.
all the others i thought were due to naivety and a lack of girls around but now i have one throwing herself at my door and yes, at one point i was interested, but now she just isnt enough. ive seen something better out there and now nothing else compares. i feel like this time its not naivety thats making me wonder about this straight girl but then again that may just me being naive and not realising its naivety. a double case of naivety basically.
shes stunning and intelligent and talented and i'd do anything for her. when i dont see her for a while i feel down, when i do see her i feel happy. but that may not be me liking her, it may just be because when she's around i laugh and joke and act the fool and feel good about myself.
i went to a bbq this week with the university lgbt. it was my first lgbt event and i met lots of nice new people, hopefully friends. im just hoping that maybe now ive opened the door to that world to see what else is on offer maybe i'll sort my head out and stop wondering if maybe i like her and stressing that she'd never like me back and just meet some nice girl to have a kiss and a cuddle with and just forget all my problems...
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I think we all go after the straight girls. Im not sure if you can even help it because it still happens anyways. But I wish you all the luck in finding a great girl! Just keep your chin up.
Rena <3
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Posted by RenaTheLesbian
on 2008-07-11 21:27:03
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| Views: 57
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