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arghhhh

my best friend is hurt. not badly, she's just hurt her foot but i can see the pain in her eyes and i just want to help. but i dont know how. im a bit of a useless friend when it comes to the real stuff. i tried to take her to a hospital but she got hysterical so that option is off the cards. i got someone to come and see her and provide some ice and ive given her painkillers but theyre not very strong and i dont think theyre helping at all. i just want to help her in some way instead of sitting here in my room, on my own, writing this damn thing. but i dont know what the hell i can do. i have never wanted to ring my mum so much in my life. i just want her to tell me what to do so i can do it and try to make things better. but its like half 3 in the morning and shes gotta get up for work soon.
ive always known i care about her, she means the world to me. but right now while she's in pain i realise the extent to which i care and thats to the point where i would give anything for her not to be in pain, even my life. big claim to make i know, but i'd do anything in the world for her to be happy, to be loved and to be pain free. those are the three things i want most for her and right now i'm not sure she has any of them and that kills me. i had to sit there watching her in pain and hearing her scream and it just ran through my veins like poison. one sound has never hurt me so much or made me feel like that in my life. just one sound tearing my heart into tiny little pieces as the person i care about most is going through hell. i just want to be there for her and help her and i dont know how to stop the pain. well i know i cant stop it but i want to eliviate it somehow and just make her feel better and help.
i know i'm talking random shit and rambling and what not but i can't sleep, i can't do anything while i know she's suffering. knowing she's over there in pain, i can't do anything. all i can think of is her. she's done so much for me and i want to do something for her but what the hell can i do?
i had a great day today but most the time i was just wishing she could share it with me. i know she's had a great day too, well until her fall, and that makes me happy. but i want to share my happy moments with her too. shes been really supportive and today i took a big step towards something and i just wanted her to be there and maybe be proud of me for doing it and i just wanted to give her a big hug and tell her i love her.
and thats all i wanna do right now. i wanna hold her in my arms, tell her i love her and try and make her feel better somehow. but i cant. i dont know how and even if i did i cant because she's there and i'm here. i just wanna be with her and make sure she's ok and show her she means the world to me and that even though we're gonna spend all summer miles apart i'll always be there to help in any way i can when and if she needs help with anything. but now im proving that i'm no help at all. i just feel so useless. i should be doing something not sitting here typing away at a lifeless screen.
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
god, i'm such a drama queen sometimes. i mean she's only hurt her foot. but i just don't like to see her in pain. i like her smile and its good when she uses it. usually when i'm not there cause i make her sad but she's my best friend and i want her smiling, not being in agony.
what also doesn't help is that she gave me a friendship bracelet not long after we met and i always wear it. when i take it off we fall out so i never, ever take it off. but i've lost it :'( it must have broken sometime and now i feel a really bad friend. she stills has hers but i've lost it. and to make it even worse i can't even remember the last time i saw it. what kind of friend am i? and now we're probably going to fall out but of all the times to fall out this is the one time i really don't want to because we're not going to see each other for months on end and i wanna remember her as happy and as my best friend and i dont wanna leave on a fight and then have it fester and things be awkward. i really do love her with all my heart and i just wanna show her, not lose my bracelet.
today she went to the beach and i really really wanted to go but i already had plans so i missed out but i think she had a fantastic day and i thought that i wouldn't even cross her mind because she was having such fun but she text to see how my day was going and she brought me a shell home which made me smile so much. she did think of me and that makes me feel special. but ill probably just go and lose it or break it or something.
and its my fault she's hurt. she was pulling me but i pulled the other way and then she went flying and now she's in pain and its all my fault and i just want to make it right again.
arghhhh i really am talking shit right now but i've sat here for like forty minutes now and i'm going out of my mind worrying about her. i just want her to be ok and i don't want her to miss her gig because she's really been looking forward to it and she's such a rockstar and everyone in the world should know how wonderful and talented she is. ok, she's not playing to the world but even if only one person turned up to see how amazing she is then something good will have happened. i want everyone to know about her because she's the greatest person i know.
right im gonna stop talking shit now. im really sorry if anyone bothered to read this, not that you will have got this far, if it was me i woulda given up a long time ago. i'll just end by saying i love her with all my scouse heart and i just hope she's ok