Before I post my first blog I would just like to say this to all who may read and all who may post in the future..."Before saying anything about anyone, please consider whether it is true, if it is kind and is it really necessary?"

To some my future blogs may be controversal some may even say that I am a hypocryte because I am gay and a christian. Do those two really go hand in hand? It depends on who you ask right? As a Christian I was raised to believe that homosexuality is a sin and being the curious natured person that I am I always needed proof when one had to bring forth an argument before me. I was given proof by priests, family members and religious fanatics. As such I felt disgraced and hid my sexuality for years because the guilt I felt placing the burden on the ones I loved especially to be tolerant and accepting of a practice that in God's eyes is sinful, in turn making them sinners. However, as many said to me that my choice is the wrong choice...that my choice of lifestyle will destroy me...then why does it feel that my choice not to act on my attraction to women and hiding that fact is destroying me?

I once read this quote, "Homosexuality is socially destructive, contrary to nature and, more importantly, contrary to the law of God. It is wrong in every way, and decent people should not have to hide that fact. To pretend that evil has become good does not change the fact or render the evil any less wicked. It is not that we are afraid of homosexuality ("homophobia"), but we do not apologize for being opposed to it."

So the facts that were presented to me I can quote countless of them and for those who may read this later on and still want to add facts let me put this out there...I know them...want proof....here they are...

The first reference to homosexuality in Scripture is in the infamous account of the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah in Genesis 19. The wickedness of the men of that city is obvious and is of such a severe nature that it brought divine destruction upon the entire city. Both Peter and Jude make reference to it and describe the sin of homosexuality as " ungodly, lawless, unnatural and extreme immorality" (see 2 Peter 2:6, 8; Jude 7).In Leviticus 18:22 and 24 homosexuality is described as an "abomination" and "defiling." It is reprehensible and unclean. In Leviticus 20:13 it is again described as an "abomination" but here as one worthy of the death penalty! Deuteronomy 23:17 forbade the presence of a "sodomite" in the land of Israel. An incident similar to that of Sodom and Gomorrah is seen again in Judges 19. Again the sin of homosexuality is described as "wickedness." In 1 Kings 14, 15, and 22 the removal of male prostitutes from the land of Israel is viewed as a sign of much-needed spiritual reformation. The prohibition in Deuteronomy 22:5 of women wearing men's clothing appears to be a specific condemnation of transvestism. In Romans 1:18-32 the apostle Paul condemns the practice in the severest terms. Homosexuality is "unclean," "impure," "dishonoring to the body," "vile," "degrading / disgraceful," "contrary to nature," "unseemly/ obscene," "improper activity of a depraved mind," "unrighteous," "wicked," etc. Of particular importance to the apostle in this passage is the fact that homosexuality is "unnatural"--contrary to nature. In other words, nature itself teaches that the practice is wrong; we all know it intuitively. Homosexuality is, then, a particularly rebellious sin. In 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 the apostle Paul speaks of homosexuals as "effeminate" and "abusers of themselves with mankind" who "shall not inherit the kingdom of God." The terms he uses here seem to be specific references to both active and the passive participants in a homosexual relationship. Such people are "unrighteous," he says, and if they remain in that practice they will be condemned.

So basically I am destined to doom, despite the fact that I do not steal, I do not fornicate, I honor my father and mother, I love my neighbor as much as I love myself etc. I have had a normal childhood, parents still happily married who love me who didn't smother me. I was never raped or sexually, physically or verbally abused. I have 2 younger sisters both heterosexuals having committed enduring relationships. I was never neglected...I was never spoilt.

I am a productive member of society. I have a master's degree, a semester or 2 away from my Doctorate, a job and a career I love, a nice home, a nice car...but still I am empty, still I feel alone and lost because of this battle of what is right and what is wrong...should I really not experience love, true love because my love is sinful and immoral?