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You Don't Miss The Water Untill The Well Run's Dry

It is true. You do not miss what you had untill it is gone.
Kettering flat was nice. Sat in all day getting stoned. Almost Nirvana. If only we argued less.
Could have still been there infact. If only we argued less. If only he drank less. If only i shouted less. If only he was a better person. If only i was a better person. All these if only's do not matter now. They wont change a thing. I think a lesson well learnt maybe. I can not carry on hating Alex. There was some good time's. I'll focus on those instead of the bad. It will make the future easier.

I wonder why i am up at half 11 thinking about my past with my ex boyfriend, Who quite clearly can no longer stand me. Once he did seem to love me though. Once i was his world. Maybe not for long but, It happend none the less. Maybe i should smile for that. I had something people spend a lifetime searching for and, Never find.

I never smile much anymore. I'm not sure why that is. Maybe, It's because i spend all my time thinking of my past. Feeling sorry for myself. Thinking of what i have lost instead of thinking of what i still have.

It's true that the nice guy comes in last. It's obsurd to think that Alex considerd himself as a nice guy. I think my problem is that i see the nice guy who adore's me and, Look away in disgust at his kindness and affection.

I like to keep my window shut. I do not like the idea that the world is still continuing outside. Not my secure safe world that i have in my room. The nasty real world that live's outside my window. At this point anyone oddly watching me will notice me get up to close my window. Perhaps on the way i will trip on something. Maybe, Even shiver at the cold. Maybe have trouble shutting the window. Maybe catch a glimse of a Axe murderer waiting outside in my garden. You just do not know do you. Now you see i have scared myself. Apparently if you do something everyday that scare's you it make's your heart stronger. Mine's weak anyway. Why would i want to make it stronger.

I've gone of men. Relationships always. I miss being in love. Lust or infatuation. Over people may never believe that it ever was love. I think it was and is. I like my opinion. Even if it is a little self rightoues and over eager.

Badger. Funny word. You can tell i am running out of thing's to say. Unlike normal people i do not stop talking. Instead i just carry on. Rambling on and on. Making less and less sense as i continue. Odd. You would have thought that common sense would tell me to shut up.

Liam called my Dog a drunk. Simpily just because i mention that he's a clumsy fool from time to time. I'm quite fond of my dog actually. He's a pleasent fellow. He has this look that melt's heart's and, This other look that make's people cross the road in fear. He's funny. I always imagine him as a snobby sort of charecter. 'While you scoffing your dinner down your disgusting pie hole, Could you please perhap's spare a thought for me.' That's the sort of thing i'd imagine he would say. 'Either lay under the duvet still or give the duvet to me. There is no inbetween young lady. You can not invite me in than thrash around stealing the cover's from my cold body. I can give anything a voice. A personalitly. Little effort and little thought. I could animate the whole world if need be. Never in time's of dire need though. Never in a troublesome situation. I think it would make it far to funny. I would not be able to consentrate on the subject matter.

God:To be honest Karma i think this is more of your job. I mean yes it's the useal cliche' of bad morals but, theres something that just needs a little tweak added here. I mean look over the case and you might see what i mean. You know? It's not a world poverty or world war thing. Just a small job. I find it's the small one's that are the most satisfactory.

Karma: Well to be entirly honest you know summer is my busy season. Mindless sex in the hot sun and that. I have to get people back with the normal pregnancy sceniro or maybe an std. Sometimes both. I'm not sure if i will have time to even go over this cause let alone work on it. I personally think it's a job for the hammer?

God: You'd think that wouldn't you! The guy in this case is actually a bit of a ladys man. Although he did fall in love with a lady of the night. He still does not know. I think maybe more of a twisted sort of effect would serve him well!

Karma: I'll take a look and get back to you. Thank you anyway. Enjoy your Sunday and go steady with the hammer!

God: Don't you worry about me. I've been using the Hammer since the dawn of time. I well able enough to achive maximum result's with mimimal effort. Catch you in the Team meeting of time's then. Bye.

A chat between God and Karma. That is how life is. Not some force. Somebody. Some sort of creatures even. Ruling over us. Deciding our fate. We never have a choice. The path has already been choosen.

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