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I hate...

... How i've become this weak needy person who need's to be loved.
I hate the fact it feel's like my heart is breaking in more than a million ways.
I hate having nobody to love And, Having nobody to love me back.
I hate the way people make out that love is the most amazing thing in the world.
It's not. It's just another stupid emoition that makes us weak. That let's get hurt in a way that only your heart really understands.
I hate the fact that no matter how much you believe in something or long for it to be true it never will.
I hate the fact that you can not turn back time.
I hate time.
I hate life.
I hate smiles and sunshine.
I hate that bench.
I hate the rain.
And something that i hate more than anything else in this cruel, loveless world, Is him.
It's sad though because he's the one person i love more than anything. He's the one person that as i'm swolling those pills i'm longing for him to be the one who will rescue me. I know he wont though. He will just let me down time and time again. Like he always has and always will. I've just denied. I've never had the courage to admit that he will never save me because, He's two busy moaning about he's the one who needs to be saved.
Just for once i wish i could remember one time when he was there for me. Just one God damn time. Just one.

I can remember just one. He screwed it up though. He fucking ruined it.
I hate him so, so, so much for ruining everything. I love him so, so, so much for being who he is.

I know it really is time to move on. I don't think i can. I think i'd rather die than have to let go. I'd rather die than admit that it's over. Admit that there is no hope of there ever being an 'us' again. Admit that it's spoilt. Admit that it's broke and no one can fix.
I can not admit anything. I just wanna close it up and ignore it. I can not move on without letting go though. I know this. So does the rest of the world. So does he. I bet he secretly hopes deep down somewhere that i'm still holding on to everything we had. I know i hope that deep down somewhere he's hoping that i am hoping two.

I know he's not.