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Circles.

The boy has been nothing but an arsehole to me Yet, Here i am sitting alone in my stuffy room crying over him for the third night in a row. It's amazing how one person can bring so much sadness.

Admittidly i miss my Claire bear like a bitch. All the crap that i would complain about in a day with her just seem's to wanna chat to her and no one else. I feel like she's an allien and is on another planet. Millions of miles and years away from me. I miss her so, so much. I didn't think i would miss her. I'm not sure how it worked but we would always cheer each other up. If i was down Claire would tell me it's not so bad. If Claire was down i'd tell her it's not so bad. If we were both down then unleast we had someone to discuss the best method's of suicide with. I think the girl fully understands me in and out. There's only Alex that understands me aswell. Instead of using it for any good he just seem's to enjoy fucking with my head. 3 year's seem's like such a long time. I met the boy 3 year's ago. I'm so dependent on him that it kill's when he smile's at my unhappiness. I don't know where my Alex has gone. The one that would demand that i right messages on his back and play with his hair. Now he's cut his hair off. It just seem's like he's trying to completly get me and anything that reminds him of me out of his life. Good for him i guess. If he can move on fucking well done. It's like his fucking eye's are engraved onto my memory. I can see how beautiful they look. How cute his one dimple is. How he always used to scream and shout and then just accept a cuddle. I guess in a way our relationship was fucked up. I'd do thing's to see if he cared and he'd do things to see if i cared. It seem's that all those nice lovely 'i love you' feelings have drained from Alex's body. It's complelty unfair. I just want my best friend and my boyfriend back. I just wanna go back in time and relive the years again. Go back and do the simple things that i took for granted. See the people who arnt here anymore and maybe even say yes to doing stuff with my life.

I just wining now. I don't actually have nothing to say. I'd selfishly like to thing that the rest of the world deserves to hear how my heart's breaking.

Maybe i just going to have to face the fact that no matter what i do i will never be good enough.

I feel like everyone is a million miles away, I feel like i'm living complete isolation. Like the rest of the world is playing a big cruel joke on me and just ignoring me. For once i'd like to walk away and have someone follow. Possibly Alex or Claire Or anyone just to smile.

People have it worst in the world but by some little miricle they are proberly still happy. Basterds.

These are certionly not the best years of my life. If the rest of life is going to be like this then i quit here and now.

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