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so, fairly recently, I looked back on my first post, and realize how bad I made my friend sound...
(yes, we're friends again)
ok, so, a couple of things to adress...
first is the fact that when I wrote that blog, I was very distressed, and it was 1:00 in the morning, and I wasn't thinking straight. and I didn't really write it out well. I also realize that how I told it, could make my friend sound like a "toying slut" as she said (yes, she read the blog, I asked her to) she isn't that at all, she and I have kinda been though a lot of things like this, and I've put her through a lot of things that she shouldn't have had to go through. all the things we talked about, had a much bigger affect than I thought they would, because she wasn't telling me. and I really regret ever having put her though any of it.
second, is that, how I described how she was being "very different from usual"... well, I guess the reason I say that is because it wasn't usual for me to spending much time with her, especially where it was just us, which was a nice change, because we could actually talk together. when I went over to her house, that was probably one of the best days of my life. I got to spend time with my friend. I used to think I wanted her as her more. but now I realize, that I really just want her as a friend, because she's probably the best friend I've ever had, or ever will have. when it's more, people, (myself included) tend to forget that half the reason you wanted to be more was because you were such good friends. I now realize just how much that applied, and still applies for me.
the third thing, is that I said she blocked me on gmail. that is true, and she still does have me blocked on gmail, which i understand, but it's because we both need a bit of a break. so we're just emailing... but anyway, kinda got off track there. she blocked me, because I told her too. don't ask why, I was being very stupid, I thought that if she blocked me, I could stop ruining her life and distressing her, and it could also save me the pain and awkwardness. but really, at least for me, it just made it worse. and I know now, that if I want to stop distressing her, I'll just stop talking to her about what it was that hurt.
I'm hoping to mend our friendship, and become best friends again, and I don't intend on going farther, because that's not what I really want. oh btw, K.... if you read this, it's was not writen when I was tired, and not thinking. I'm glad that you accepted my apology =) thank you.
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Posted by moabshmoof on 2008-07-23 00:59:00 | Rating: | Views: 57
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