Thoughts.com Blogs - New York Minute, Chapter 5

View Blog

New York Minute, Chapter 5

I walked out of the office, I wasn't pleased to see it was raining. "Dammit." I sighed. "My car is on the other side of the lot." I shook my head, and trudged along the alley next to the courts. The rain running in rivelets down through my hair and along my face. The world seemed strangely calm. Quiet. As if it had no idea that a precious life had been snuffed out only days before. Or, maybe it did, and it was trying to wash the stain off itself. Like a mind try to scrub itself clean of guilt.

My phone rang. "Hello?"

"Hi, Jason." My blood ran cold and my stomach sank. The rain was making me shiver now.

"Alex."

"Yeah. Look, I'm sorry to bug you. I just...I had something to say."

My voice lowered. And the depression from her abandonning me washed over again like the proverbial wave. "What makes you think I need to...or want to...hear anything you have to say? You walked out on me, Alexandra. You couldn't...no you wouldn't allow yourself to understand that there were times my job needed to come first if I was going to find the criminal I was after. You NEVER understood that. You said you loved me. You said you understood, but you walked out. Without even saying goodbye. Tell me why I want to hear what you have to say?"

It was quiet for a moment, then there was a sniffle. "Because I love you, Jason. I honestly do, and I want to try...to try and make things work. I want to understand-"

I cut her off. "But you can't. And you won't. Because you don't really want to. You want it to be about you. Like always. You won't ever understand."

"How can you do that to me?" She asked, tears in her voice.

"You ran out on me, Alexandra. Not the other way around. You did this to yourself. If you ever manage to figure out why I fight so hard for those who can't fight for themselves. Like the four year old girl I'm working on right now. She was 4 years old and was killed. For no apparent reason at the moment. Until you can comprehend that, you will never be able to even BEGIN making up for what you did."

"But, Jason-"

"No. Enough, Alex. I don't want to hear it. You made your bed. You lie in it." I hung up. I didn't need this crap. The last thing I needed was her walking into my life again, unannounced. It couldn't...it WOULDN'T be allowed to happen. And so, I started to walk the alley again, thinking. Lost in my thoughts, oblivious to the world around me.

My leather duster was soaked through, and my dark shirt was clinging to my chest. What was maroon was now almost black with water. It was stating to poor. I'd never seen rain this heavy. Like the word was reflecting my mood. I couldn't shake it. This feeling that I was missing something. The frustration at how hard this was to crack. "DAMMIT!" I roard, and smacked my fist into the side of the courthouse.

"You know," a soft voice said behind me, "That won't bring her back, and it won't help you think." I turned around. Jessica. She was sopping wet, her brown hair stuck to her face. She smiled sadly. "I know how you feel. I always do. I've known you for 20 years and you've always felt things deeply. Even as a kid. You take every filure pesonaly. And no success is ever good enough for you. Thing is, you DIDN'T fail, this time, Jason. You couldn't have seen-"

"SHE DIED WHILE I WAS THERE, JESSICA! I was IN their drive way when she was slaughtered. And I couldn't do a thing about it. I couldn't....I couldn't...." That was where I lost control. That's not something a cop can afford to do. I have an unhealthy habbit for a cop. I don't let things go when they don't go my way. And, Jessica is right, I take everything personaly. But at that moment, I lost control.

There was only the rain, and Jessica pressed up against me, holding me. It's an odd thing, to be held like that. When you see movies, its always the female lead whos the vulnerable one. It's nothing like that in real life. I could feel her breth against my neck, warm and moist in the cold rain. I her her sniffle, and saw a tear roll down her face. I whiped it away.

She looked at me, all I could see were her deep, green eyes. And they were drawing me in. I moved one hand to her back, and another up into her hair, and I kissed her. At first, she resisted, but then she began to melt into me. We stood there for what must have been 10 or 15 minutes, locked in that kiss. The smell of her hair and her skin, mixed with the taste of her mouth. It was unadulterated bliss.

When we finally pulled apart, she wrapped her arms around me, and pressed her head against my chest. "We'll catch them, Jason. We have to." I sighed, and held on to her. Not daring to speak, for fear of laying an even larger jinx on the case.

************************************************************ ************************************************************ **
A few hours later we stood in her office, with Winchester. The documents had arrived. Many of them. Boxes. Winchester sniffed. "If they think this is going to slow me down, they are, of course, mistaken. There is a reason, I'm sure, that I have a staff. And this seems like just the purpose. Shall I get them started?" Jessica nodded. he he packed the boxes on a trolley and left.

I stayed, pouring over the records from Louise's latest visit. The notes were fairly invovled, as I read them off to Jessica. "Comprehension of her situation is lessening. Increasing dosage to 40mg twice daily. But, we dont know how long she was off the pills for. So, this could be when the prescription was changed. Or it could have been changed months ago."

She nodded, and slumped down at her desk, reaching for my hand. "There has to be something." I nodded and for the next three hours we poured over every piece of paper, every memo and every note that had been left in the last month.

It was only when night had fallen, near 10pm that we had a breakthrough. One that made me sick to my stomach. "I found something. " I said, and Jessica read what was written. She paled and called Winchester who arrived, blustering.

"Surely you jest. It cannot be. There was NOTHING to show this. NOTHING."

I shook my head. "I Don't know....but Harry had the prescription changed."