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I have been going through so much hell lately, and it never seems to get better no matter how much I beg, cry, scream, threaten, or hurt myself. When I got married a year and a half ago I thought "hey this is what I want, I can finally have a family and be happy", little did I know how wrong I was. I know that I love my husband, I mean I pretty much have too with the things I have put up with the last year or so, its just sometimes I am not sure if he loves me or if this marriage is worth fighting as hard as I fight for. Things where going good for a while, we where getting alone great actually. I mean regardless of the fact he won't do anything to make money to get a car, he lost his job, and lays around all the time when he is home.
Things started to get kind of bad Sunday when he wanted to leave the house and walk down the road for no reason, we fought about it and I won. Then Monday it gets worse. He leaves in the morning, saying he is going to get me some water sense I was out, he didn't come back for 7 hours. I don't know where he was or what he was doing. Tuesday the same thing, we are still fighting, he leaves @ 8 in the morning, doesn't come home until 8 that night. I am sick from headaches of worrying, I have been to dizzy to even take a shower. He comes home yesterday sucks up to me, it worked, I gave in like a dummy. When I was ask him why he won't stay home with me, he says he is bored here. Today he is gone again, still not home.
Monday he told me that I was not worth being married to because, I won't have him a baby, like I am stopping me from getting pregant! The man already has 2 kids with his ex wife who he can not provide for right now, and he wants another kid.
I have been so depressed lately, I have tried to kill myself but, I just didn't have the guts to do it, he told me to go ahead and kill myself. Like he actually cared.
Sometimes he is a good person and he is so good to me, then sometimes he is unbearable and literally flips out for no reason. I don't know how much longer I can hang on by this rope, I don't know if I even want too.
I am hurting so bad inside that its driving me insane.
I have no more enegry to type, I am going to go lay down and pray to God that this pain ends soon.
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I'm sorry for your problems. But believe me I know what you are going threw. My husband use to do the same thing he would get out and get drunk and stay out all night and not get home till the next monrnig and I would not know where he was allnight.. So I wouldn't get any sleep worring if he was dead or alive. He would go out and say he would be back by dark stay out all night wind up in Jail up untill a couple of months ago he would do this every weekend to me and I would be stuck at home not knowing where he was at he would get out and spend all his money and get stuck somewhere out of gas in thie truck and him an hour away and I would have to go get him. But he got put in Jail about 6 months ago and let me tell you he has completly changed. I broke down on him and told him that I couldn't take it I have left him and told him that I couldn't be with him anymore any everything and up untill he realized that he was really hurting me and he opened his eyes when he spent a week and a half in Jail.. Now he stays at home helps me with the house and the animals. and things couldn't be better...So there is hope...
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Posted by PinkFariyDust85
on 2008-02-13 10:48:45
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| Views: 73
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