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| I just keep thinking that.....
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...............*sitting here in my cold computer room alone, sad, and no where else to turn*.............what would my husband say to me if I told him how I am feeling as of late, what would my mom say to me?! They know,especially my mom, how I am when I get depressed....or upset....usually I end up cutting again, as much as that hurts, and I draw away from life and the ppl that I need to be in my life! I don't want them to think "oh know here she goes again"....I don't want ppl to think that I am a selfish person because I am not. I would gladly give up my own life for the ones I love. I can't help but, to feel so sad and so alone. I try to smile and laugh, even though that's not often, I try to have a normal conversation with my husband without flying off the edge for no reason but, that just doesn't work out that way often! I do feel sorry for myself and I wish I didn't....I pity myself and I don't want 2...I need GOD...I need someone that can take my hand and assure me that all is going to work out. But how can I feel that way when so deep inside my heart and soul it hurts so much just to breathe?! How can I look to tomarrow when I can not look past yesterday?! Gosh I am driving myself insane, crying all the time, physically hurting myself, destroying everything that I held inside of me that was once good! ---------Tears seem to make things to much better, but do they really?! I cry to feel better and I cry to be crying. I let the person I was go and I no longer know that person, all I know now is a woman that is trapped within herself and the world she hates so much. 2 me life is not fair @ all, ppl die that deserves to live, and I can not get that out of my head!
It seems that I keep writing and somehow I NEVER get anywhere, I thought 4 some reason that telling the world of my pain and hurt that things might look better but, they don't. Crap I can't literally kill myself I mean that wouldn't be fair to the ppl I love and that love me, but I can't keep on living this life of saddness and depression either. So I guess I will go on in my own little world of pain and mysery...knowing that no one can understand this feeling I am having or no one cares. Teresa's world a place where she is loved and where she can smile and be happy without crying........that's my own little world......
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I can't change the way you feel by saying anything that would matter to you. It's just something you must work through, but when finally you see daylight again, it will be much brighter than you knew before...that which which doesn't kill us can only make us stronger" love to you. xox
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Posted by caliope
on 2007-12-19 02:56:22
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I wouldn't think that you are selfish most probably quite the opposite is true, I would think that you need something positive in your life some light in the darkness,but that is what depression can do to us put us right into the dark pit of blackness that we can't see the light or the way out you are right you need God, God is holding out his hand to you he wants to embrace you and let you know that he will make things right for you if you let him(Revelation21:3,4)
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Posted by Truthlover
on 2007-12-19 06:12:45
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You are in my thoughts and prayers
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Posted by Truthlover
on 2007-12-19 06:23:16
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I feel for you. I often feel so unbeliveably lonely even in a room full of people. I haven't cut in almost a year. Someone once told me that maybe I should seek help from a professional. Though I thought about it over and over, I never did see anyone. Maybe if things start to get to hard for you to handle on your own you'll seek help. I could be good to have someone to talk to that doesn't know you, someone that actually will listen instead of just talking to make you feel better. I hope you get past this and start feeling better soon. <3
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Posted by LadiLucifer
on 2007-12-19 13:35:38
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| Views: 99
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