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i'm really sorry about the blog i posted earlier and it being sooo incoherent. i'm having alot of difficulties right now and don't know how to describe it coherently.
i guess i could describe it as an empty deep hole i'm in and cannot get out no matter how hard i try. i can't cry about it cuz no one understands. or i'm being told that there's no use in feeling that way cuz nothing will change. i can't get mad cuz i'm told it will not help anything also. i can't become quiet cuz then i'm bugged about it and will then be told again that my crying and anger will not change anything.
so i laugh and joke to hide it. to ignore the fact that i'm dying inside again. that i'm sinking deeper and deeper into this hole. i know things will change. without change there would be nothing. but i don't know what to do til then. i work so hard at trying to change things but i feel like i'm the only one who will work for it. i'm not built to be the sole provider emotionally, mentally, physically, or finacially. altho, i have to be. no one else is doing it or stepping up to the plate.
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Posted by misslissa on 2008-08-19 23:46:32 | Rating: | Views: 22
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