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| every thing seems calm for now.
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so i decided it was time for a lil background on myself.
i was born in the early 70's. a time i miss very much. i don't know if it's cuz i had not a care in the world due to my age or cuz of the fact that times were more simple then.
my mother did all she could do. she married my father cuz she was pregnant with me. after she had me, she had one more girl. my sis and i have always been close but only cuz we had to be. my father skipped out on us when i was 8. never to be heard from again. i missed him terribly and my mom would always tells me all the bad things about him. i resented her for that for a long time. my mom beat me often about stupid things. like we ate her cereal or something like that. we had been mixed up with a bad church but didn't know it at the time. they condoned the beatings and even helped her with it at times. they had her believing all kinds of things so my mom pretty much took our lives away. we weren't allowed to have any friends. we had to come home straight from school and we weren't allowed to have anything to do with anyone. she sheltered us waaaayyy too much. i never went to the movies or hung out with anyone besides my mom and my sis. wasn't allowed to go to the mall or to do anything kids were allowed to do. at 9 years of age my mom put me to work doing all the chores and cooking. it's really hard to cook when you don't know how and the only one who can show you won't teach you how to do it. so by the time i was 9 1/2 i was prepairing and cooking all the meals, doing all the dishes and cleaning the house. the abuse went on until it was two weeks before my 18th b-day. i had made a good friend at school and she helped me report my mom. the preacher of the church made it all go away for her. so nothing was done. later we found out that the preacher went to prison for molesting a boy in our church. he was one of our friends.
i reunited my father when i was 18. for a long time i never understood what my mom was talking about. he seemed to be a good guy.
i got pregnant at 18. bounced from house to house. lived with friends and relatives. every last one of them kicked me out. so i moved in with a bf. my dad needed a place to stay so i let him move in with us. my bf beat and raped me all the time while my father sat in the next room doing nothing but listening to it. he never once came to my aid until the end. he calmly and condisendingly told my bf off and the bf kicked him out. my father left without complaint. at the time my father had another daughter but never once told me about her. i guess he was just wishing that she would go away just like we did.
i left that abusive relationship just to jump into another and another and another. it was endless. if it wasn't abuse they were cheating on me. i never understood. i gave them my everything. but seems they were just all in it for free ride due to my kindness. boy was i nieve! by the time i was done jumping, i ended up with 4 kids with 4 fathers who wouldn't have anything to do with them. they all had left when i told them i was pregnant. ppl call me a slut, whore cuz of it but i was engaged to every one of them. still i was soo nieve!
i got mixed into a bad crowd and one day i spanked my oldest. i had my kids ripped from me for a year all based on hearsay. none of it was proven cuz there was nothing to prove. i didn't do what they were saying. truns out the ppl i lived with were mad cuz they couldn't get my money. i fought sooo hard to get them back and the judge finally said there's no proof she did any of this so give her kids back.
i ended up pregnant with the 4th child and some friends of mine couldn't have kids and wanted to adopt a child. i knew i couldn't give this child the life he deserved. i knew that i couldn't support another child with what i was making. they adopted him. it's an open adoption and the hardest thing i have ever done in my life. i miss him terribly but i can smile knowing he has a wonderful life.
went through a time where i was in and out of shelters. i got my life straightened out and found a bf. i thought he was a good guy too. boy was i wrong! he was a friend that i had known for 10 years! he cheated on me and did unspeakable things to my oldest daughter. which goes to show ya, you never really know a person even after 10 years.
the last ex left me high and dry. all the bills in my name, he had no job ever. i supported the relationship on what lil i made. after 3 years he finally left cuz i bitched too much. my credit was totally ruined. i lost everything and had to move in with my dad and grandma.
bad mistake! i've been here 2 years and everytime i get closer to getting out, they suck me back in. they make me pay them $500/mo. they take all my money. then i get my taxes back and try to get outa here and my father purposefully sabatages the whole thing over and over again. so on top of $500/mo. they also get all of my taxes. another $1600. my kids do everything around here. i know that having chores is apart of life but it's rediculous when they are doing what your obligations are. they cook, clean, mow, weed, run the garage sale and the business. my kids have all gone down hill cuz the only father role-model is my father who does nothing but sit around all night playing video games on his computer. when he is up for the day he is controlling and manipulative. he's gone off on my son and beat him down like he was a grown man. he babies the youngest so she thinks it's ok to steal, lie, manipulate ppl into getting her own way. and my poor oldest stands around trying to fight an endless battle cuz she's fed up with it. if i stand up for us all my father does is kick me out knowing i have no where to go and no money to do it with. i've lost jobs cuz of this. he's cocked back his fist a few times to me. it's all about him and if we don't do our work, his work and pay them all our money, we have to get out.
now i understand what my mom went through with him. now i understand all the bad things she said about him. they are all true! if it's not about him, if he can't have control over everyone in his life, we have to pay.
i finally met my other sis that he never told me about. she's now finding out what it's like to have him as a dad. he skipped town on her too. his mom pays all his bills for him and he's still paying child support for her. hell, she's in her 20's now and he's, i mean, my grandma is still paying his child support. we were not lucky enough to get child support from him either. but we probably wouldn't have seen any anyway.
now i'm with a wonderful man who really wants to beat some sense into my father for treating his own daughter and grandkids the way he does. he hates seeing me go through this. we are trying to get outa here but my father just sucks us back in. he sabatages everything we try to do that's good. all cuz he would lose his slaves and his control over us.
well that about covers it. lol i think. most of my blogs will probably be about all the family issues. i don't want sympathy or anything like that. i'm not crying for help. just wanted to let yall know where i'm coming from with sooo many things that will stem off of my past and my immediate present. i know i'm in a bad situation and have had a bad life. i also know what to do about it and have been working on it dilligently.
the silver lining..........i have good friends for support and a wonderful man who takes care of me and the kids. 
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Posted by misslissa on 2008-08-10 12:42:54 | Rating: | Views: 49
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thank you :)
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Posted by misslissa
on 2008-08-11 11:06:58
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You should save money your dad doesn't know about and get out of there! Try section 8 waiting list or some kind of housing based on your income!
I feel for you! I wish I could help you but all I'm able to do is pray for you and your family.
That church your mom had you all rapped up in??? What kind was it? Just wondering.
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Posted by anotherdaze
on 2008-08-12 13:55:01
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baptist
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Posted by misslissa
on 2008-08-13 01:53:27
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