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| i once ran to you, now i run from you. |
so i reckon i've said this before,
"but how much more can god dish out to me"
my life is like one problem after another and there not like a little problem like what me and mum are fighting about, i mean the problem is that now after my 16 birthday he dishes me out more shit and i lose more poeple in my life.
you know how they say lose a friend gain a friend.
well i lost my best friend and i've ended up with nonone
all that is going though my head is.
"you have no one left that would drop everything and run to you if you were in trouble,"
all i've done today is thought about who can i now realy on who would i call if i was in trouble?
who i woudln't call mum, (i know she would come but if she had to choice between me adn her boyfriend it would be here) my dad and sister don't live here, briana isn't really here to save me, and michael (my best friend that one that has saved me before from ymself and other popele) made me run last night, from him.
he made me not be his friend made me hate him made me cry made me run for my life, once apon a time i ran to him, and last nihgt i was running from him.
i can't explain last night cos i don't wont to re-live it, but it was bad to make me run away from him, is something so bad because i normall stay there because i know he is joking but last night, it was like a nightmare like it wasn't happening to me like if i moved the wrong way my head would be off, it felt like he had a gun to my head he might as well, he had two weponds and putting them on me, and he probly thinks it's okay he didn't even say sorry i know when i had to leave his house due to that fact he was pulling knifes on me, that once i left i would never come back and i never will. i will never be his friend and that whats hurts the most, that i lost my best firned my soul mate my brother my hero my everything even my life, he was everything to me and he doesn't understand, that he was all i had and now he did what he did last night, i've told him that he would mess it up one day but i thought we would grow old together as friends, and nothing would become between us. oh how i was wrong.
the taxi driver warned me that tehre were poeple out there that could hurt me i said it was fine i was going to a friends house little did i know that i walked myself into to that drama,
(oh p.s this isn't about a fight the hit is there was knifes last night just me and him and he had knifes you add it up i can't go into to depth because i don't wont to re-live it i don't wont to remember the hurt and pain and the scareness i was feeling last night) i can't and just writeing this is hurting is making me remeebr just a little of the night, but if i don't tell anyone i will do something stupid i'll bottle it up.
and as i have relised that i would have no-one to save me, i think that it's better to talk to randoms that don't know me or him and that could listen to me and help me, i don't wont to talk to him i know that i don't EVER wont to, but i have no-one and i'm 16 and alone and scared and i'm never scared and i'm inderpentent but i don't wont to be, i just cna't get my head aroudn the fact that my hero is now dead to me that he can't save me taht he is the one that hurt me the most, that i now have no-one. he was everything and he fucked it up and he will do it again he will fuck it even if there isn't anything else to fuck up but my life.
i need to stop right now i can't think, man i can't breath that well. i need help to over come this, it's like last year and around this time to that my life got shit.
"oh god why dish so much shit out to me, how many hoops do you wont me to jump though? what do you want me to prove? one day i wont beable to jump though it and what will do you then? will you put me though more? up in heven or have i done somehting so bad that i'm going to hell and thats why your putting me though all of this? i want answers, i'm sick of this shit that your dishing out for me. please stop i can't handel much more."
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Posted by missinghome on 2008-08-03 06:33:25 | Rating: | Views: 218
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