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| My whole world is just gone.......
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How can someone who gives you the world, just take it away? In 1 split second, everything you've worked so hard for and put your entire life into.....is just gone. I feel so empty and alone. Like there's nothing to look forward to anymore, nothing to put time and energy into. It hurts just to breathe. It feels like the whole world just came crashing in on me. The pain is just never ending.
We met almost 3 years ago when I moved into town. He lived right down the street and was talking to my friend at the time. We became close even when her and I stopped talking. So did they. But we remained only friends for about a year. Together everyday, meeting friends and family, and even each others significants. Then, he got this girlfriend and moved in with her. I just didnt like her. AT ALL. I had just been cheated on EXCLUSIVELY by my ex boyfriend and was maybe a little lonely. It all started with one little text message....
I texted him one night just playin around sorta, I said 'we should have sex sometime.' And honestly, I just wanted to see what he would say. He said 'no that would ruin the friendship dont you think?' ME: 'No it'd be fun don't you think?' HIM: 'Maybe sometime we can do that'....
So the next day I just kept thinking about him. I couldn't stop, it was not normal whatsoever. I was going to call him later to hang out but he beat me to it. I know he kept thinkin of me, cuz later that night he had me come pick him up, and he just kept sayin how he didnt want to hurt me if we were ever together and all this and that. I agreed and said just forget about it then. A couple days later we hung out again, and we're back on the same topic. We slept together that night, and didnt touch each other at all. Just kissed and snuggled. He told me he loved me the first time that night....maybe as just a friend or whatever it doesnt really matter. I felt the love there, whether it was true love at that point or not. He also said 'no matter what happens, if you were to ever cheat on me or me on you, I have enough respect for you to tell you that. And I hope and trust that you would do the same for me..........
After that, he broke up with his girlfriend and moved in with me. We were inseperable, and he was always telling me he would put his all into me cuz that's what he wanted and needed in life. And there is no doubt that he did. He gave me everything I wanted, cooked for me, bought me anything I needed, took care of my dog, watched my neices for my sister, grew close to my family. He even told my dad that he really cared about me and wanted to be with me for a long time. He wrote me a song. We truly and honestly loved each other with all of our hearts. It was AMAZING. I have never been and will never be that happy again. Now after a year 1/2 people start to get comfortable. He started going out with his friends more, which didn't bother me at all. I will also admit that I may have taken advantage of his love and the things he did for me. I knew he loved me so there was nothing to worry about....
Then my love stopped coming home some nights. While I lay there not being able to sleep, wondering where he is, crying.........I asked him if he was cheating on me or wanted to take a break, or if he was done with me. 'No baby I don't want to lose you, I CAN'T lose you. Don't give up on me, I'm not doing anything wrong, I promise.' Of course I believed him. I trusted him with everything. We cried together, he knew I was hurting....he kept saying he was going to change it but never did. So I told him I was leaving. I never saw him anymore, I felt like I didnt have a boyfriend. He was never there when I needed him. I packed my shit and left.
To make an even longer story short, I found out he had been cheating on me for the past month with the same girl from the beginning of the story. My 'friend.' I only found out a week ago and it's just tearing me up. I hate how he made such a fool of me. I hate the feeling that she won. I hate thinking of them together. STILL. Now I have seen both of them, they were both there when I found out. Needless to say his clothes were ripped, I almost went to jail and that bitch bit me! Oh yea and I also bleached his clothes and cut them up. And his shoes. I actually feel really bad about it all still. I shouldn't have done it. But I was so CRAZY and so much anger/sadness/confusion just EVERYTHING built up exploded in me and I just lost it. He knows he deserved it. I went to the house one day to return the few clothes I didnt cut up............she was there. I went nuts and beat that stupid little sluts ass. She left ......I screamed like 'WHY!?!? HOW COULD U DO THIS TO ME AFTER EVERYTHING!? I GAVE U MY LIFE.....WE'RE SPOSE TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE KIDS AND HAVE A FAMILY AND U FUCKED IT ALL UP FOR THAT NASTY BITCH!' He was crying to me and on his knees begging me not to leave...kissing me and telling me he didnt care about her, I'm his whole heart...
But how can I stay when everytime I look at him I see her? It's not that he just slept with someone else. He lied to me and everyone in town knew what was going on. I can't EVER look at him the same again. I keep seeing him........he keeps saying the same things. He called me once just to hear my voice. But he fucked me up. Seriously. Of all the girls in the world he chose the one girl that I can't forgive. My heart, my soul, my whole world is just shattered and gone. I can't eat or sleep. I just lay there, thinking about him and her and us and what used to be. I see all the things he's bought me. Receipts from movies and dinner we went to together and the song. I just look at pictures and curl up and cry..nothing is worth it anymore.
I understand it will take time. I do. I love him with everything I have still......I know if we're meant to be together we eventually will one day. Or did he fuck us up for life? What do I do?? Where do I go from here? I'm lost and empty. My world will never in my life be the same. I lost my boyfriend, my best friend, my soulmate and my LIFE. All at once.
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Posted by miss_kearbear on 2008-07-28 15:29:15 | Rating: | Views: 109
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oh honey, i guess life for you is complete shit rite now. But believe me, it is much worse when children are involved thank your lucky stars that you hadnt had his babies!!
you will find someone else , i promise. xxxxxxx
p.s you shud think bout becoming bisexual, cuz men are twats!!! ask any woman that and they will tell you.
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Posted by xxxx
on 2008-08-06 11:16:38
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ur stories juz the bit similar like me and all must we know that guys cant be trusted and broken our hart and wanted seek forgiveness after done the horrible things to the woman they used to know.to stop thinking about our betrayed lover,set and put in our minds'THS GUY ARE USELESS AND UNLOYAL,THAT NOT DESERVE FOR A GOOD GIRL LIKE ME' and am sure wot they done will never lasting in relationship.'FUCK OFF FOR THOSE CHEATER AND LIAR OUTTA MY LIFE' might be u will find better guy in future rather tahan him.throw away all the stuffs or memory dat cud remind u about him oke dont mourning ova urself wile he making fun outside.so cheer up fill ur empty time and avoid alone,try make some friends in the web......by norah(EX GANGSTA LOVER)
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Posted by bloodyhart
on 2008-10-17 08:05:39
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